Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day, he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this. So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that, they were married.
A few months after their marriage, on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk, he figure he could walk off any ill “effects” before he got home. So he went in, ordered the baked beans, and before leaving, had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home, he putt-putted (farted every now and then). By the time he arrived home, he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She greeted him and said: ” Darling! I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!”
She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek.
At this point, he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She reminded him to promise not to peek until she returned. And away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him with the blindfold still on.
He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and PRRFFFTTTTT RIPPPPP!!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelling worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. While doing that, another urge was about to erupt. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table wilted.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes. Tooting and fanning each time with his napkin.
Then he heard the phone farewells of his wife. He neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologising for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she went to his back, and removed the blindfold and yelled, “SURPRISE”!!!
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party!