One lazy evening, my mom and I talked about how quickly time flew. “It’s December already,” I said. She faked a smile and said, “yes, another year is about to end.”
She looked at me with a sad glaze in her eyes, and forced a smile across her face and shed her usual tears. Tears of loneliness and fears or happiness and joy? I couldn’t tell.
The conversation was a difficult one for me. I watched her beautiful face now blanketed with the wrinkles that bespoke of wisdom and hardship, of love and courage, of hope and joy, as she reminisced her younger days and our growing up years.
I held her wrinkled hands and remember how these once lovely soft hands had become callused by trials and pain.
She was feeling both sad and happy. It’s not everyday that we get to have a decent conversation, but today was one of those difficult days when you had to hear and accept some truths.
To say that 2019 was one helluva challenging year is an understatement. No one ever thought that we’d be ready for radical changes in both her life, and ours. Oftentimes we forget that we are not invincible. Reality is often a painful teacher. The unshakeable truth is, when we are aroused by the inevitable fact that we live on borrowed time, fear grips us to our very core when we come face to face with mortality.
The truth is – we cannot turn back time. No room for regrets and what ifs. Just painful, difficult, purposeful, prayerful and hopeful days ahead.
There is no equalizer to circumstances that were. They will always be disquieting reminders on how well we cared, lived and loved.
We can only make better days ahead…not in words, but in deeds.