An 86 year old man went to his doctor for his semi annual check up.
The doctor asked how he was feeling, and the old man replied, “things are great and I’ve never felt better! I now have a 20 year old wife who is pregnant with my child! What do you think of that doc?”
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell him a story.
I have an older friend much like you, who’s an avid hunter and never misses a season when hunting for beavers.
One day, he was setting off to go hunting and accidentally picks up his walking cane instead of his rifle.
As he was approaching near the lake, he came across a very large beaver sitting at the water’s edge.
He realized then that he forgot his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.
Out of habit, he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and shouted, “Bang! Bang!”
At the same time he shouted, miraculously two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
“Now what do you think of that?”, the doctor asked.
The 86 year old man replied, “logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver!”
“My point exactly,” the doctor replied.
A woman has long suspected her husband of cheating on her. One day she tells him that she’s going out of town for the weekend for a meeting and will be back in three days.
She doesn’t tell her husband what exact day she would return, hoping to catch him in the act of committing adultery.
True enough, she comes home and quietly walks into their bedroom, opens the door and from under the blanket sees four legs cross crossing one another in various positions and grunting from under the cover. In a state of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat of her son and starts hitting the blanket as hard as possible. She hears the screams but she didn’t care. She just kept hitting and hitting until she couldn’t hear screaming anymore.
When she’s done, she puts the bat down and goes down to the kitchen to get a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, drinking beer, reading a magazine with the TV in the kitchen on!
“Hi darling,” he says, “your parents have come over from the province to visit us, so I let them stay in our room! Have you said hello to them?”
A couple wanted to have sex but their son is in the house. The only way they pull off a Sunday afternoon “quickie” with their 8-year-old son in the house is to send him out on the front lawn with a popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.
“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot”, he shouts.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation!
“An ambulance just drove by…”
“Looks like our neighbours at the corner have company…”, he called out.
“Jose is riding a new bike!…”
“Looks like the old man a block down the road are moving…”
“Peter is on his skateboard…”
After a few moments he announced, “THE GARCIAS ARE HAVING SEX!”
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously called out, “How do you know they’re having sex?”
“Juan Garcia is standing on the lawn of their house with a popsicle!”