Respect is earned

It’s ironic that sometimes the more chances you give the more respect you lose. Your standards begin to be ignored when you let people get comfortable in knowing that another chance will always exist. They start to depend on your forgiveness.

While kindness is a trait that we want to give (and receive), giving it is often mistaken for weakness. People tend to abuse the kindness and forgiveness. It erodes the core of love, and respect. When kindness is abused, respect is lost.

All respect is earned. No one receives it or deserves it laid out on a silver platter. Our integrity speaks highly of the kind of respect we deserve.

Respect is learned as a child. It’s otherwise known as breeding. There’s an interesting post in Pinterest and I’m sharing that with you.

I was raised to show respect. I was taught to knock before I open a door.

Say hello when I enter a room. Say please and thank you, and have respect for my elders.

I’d let another person have my seat if they need it.

Say ‘yes sir’ and ‘no sir’, and help others when they need me to, and not stand on the sidelines and watch.

Hold the door for the person behind me, say “excuse me” when it’s needed.

To love people for who they are and not for what I can get from them.

Most importantly, I was raised to treat people exactly how I would like to be treated by others.

It’s called respect.

The Sacrifice

The greatest suffering one has to endure is the suffering resulting out of betrayals by those whom we deeply love, care for, and respect. How painful had God felt when he sacrificed his only Son to save humanity from sins.

The short summary of the New Testament reminds us the life of Jesus – healed the sick, showed that miracles do happen, showed us the way, the truth and the light. And we crucified Him, in spite of all He did! What is striking (and not emphasized by the Church), is that Jesus was tried, condemned and put to death out of political reasons. Even in Christ’s time, politics and its accomplices, put Him to death.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta describes sacrifice best.

A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, and must empty ourselves. Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your weakness.

Sacrifice, after all, is a self-less act. An act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.

This Lenten post should help remind us of the travails and trials of people. Yes. People matter. Some people are given up as collateral damage for personal or political ambitions. Dignities are trampled upon and values are exchanged for a few pieces of silver. We are reminded centuries later, year in and year out, that His death on the cross should not be one in vain.

Reflect and meditate, were you part of the crowd that chanted “crucify Him”?

Of betrayals and forgiveness

Nothing hurts more than being betrayed by the single person you thought would never hurt you.

Whether it’s someone in your family, your friend, your better half, your colleague or your business associate, betrayal is an act that’s difficult to forgive. It is natural to be angry, especially when the boundaries on issues of trust have been crossed.

The pain of betrayal changes people in an incomprehensible way. Betrayal is abusive and destructive. People end up blaming themselves for entrusting their feelings to someone. When the vulnerability is ripped apart, a feeling of being violated slices through the core. The hurt is deep and difficult to mend. It’s because that the moral fiber of every relationship is built on trust.

Love grows where trust is laid, and love dies where trust is betrayed”

How do you move on after a betrayal?

It’s difficult. But achievable. Every process of pain requires a healing period. There is no overnight cure. It’s not easy to “forgive and forget”. Those two words are immature thoughts learned during our childhood years. How do you say to someone “I forgive you for betraying me”?

I can only surmise that the one person who has ever said that, was nailed to the cross 2000 years ago by those who betrayed Him.

And there is no greater pain felt than one in a betrayal.

Forgiveness does not come easy. More often than not, the one that was betrayed has difficulty in moving on. It’s a vicious cycle of anger, hate, and wallowing in misery. It’s unproductive and unhealthy both physically and emotionally.

I get it. There is pain. And the pain is deep. But I also said that there’s a grace period called healing. And healing only begins when we learn the art of forgiveness. No, not the the kind that says “it’s alright for hurting me”. Because it’s never alright. It’s the one that says, “I forgive myself from allowing you to hurt me all this time, because I love my life, because I deserve better, because I have crumbled and fallen and will pick up the pieces from where you left me.” It’s that one where you learn to forgive yourself.

We forgive not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because you don’t want to suffer and hurt yourself every time you remember what they did to you. Forgiveness is mental healing and the final act to loving yourself.”