There are days that just weigh you down.

Figuratively and literally.

And we need to take a respite from all the burden of work, home, relationships and life itself.  Someone once said that being alone is a lonely number.  I told them that once in a while, looking out for number one keeps your sanity in check.

One needs to contemplate on solitude as providing respite to the mind, body and spirit.  After all, we all work to enjoy life.  When all that work becomes a necessary ending to simply living without knowing why we work, we miss out on the opportunities to create memories that serve to inspire us to strive harder for some “me time”.


Take every chance you get in life…because some things only happen once.

And so I close July with more than 10,000 visitors, with almost 15,000 views on over 200 posts… thank you for following because I’m writing this for you.

I hope you enjoy my August blogs on my Travel Stories, where I find my isophilia moments. It’s time to recharge.

Masturbating before sex

I know you’ll all want to read this with a title like that.

A man went to see a urologist that he had a problem when having sex.  He wanted it to last longer during a sex tryst.  The doctor told the guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, “What the hell, I’ll give it a try.”

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to masturbate before going home to have sex with his wife!

He couldn’t do it in his office.  He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.  He considered the alley next to his home, but figured it was too risky and unsafe.

Finally, he realised his solution.  On his way home, he pulled his pick up truck over on the side of the highway.  He got out.  Crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.  Satisfied with he privacy, he pulled his pants down and started masturbating.

He closed his eyes shut and thought of his wife.  As he grew closer to the final explosion, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.  Not wanting to lose mental fantasy or the organ, he kept his eyes TIGHTLY SHUT and shouted…”WHAT?!!?!?!”

“Sir.  This is the police.  What’s going on down there?”

The man replied, still with his eyes shut, “I’m checking the rear axle of my truck.  It’s busted.”

The cop replied back, “Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you’re down there because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago.”

The hen

One night, Tom did what he always did to his wife every Friday night.

He would kiss his wife.  Crawl into bed.  Fall asleep.

Suddenly, he awoke and an elderly man dressed in a white robe stood in front of his bed.

“What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? And who are you?”, he asked.

“This is not your bedroom,” the man replied.  “I am St. Peter, and you my son, are in heaven.”

“WHAT?!?!?!!? Are you saying I am dead? I don’t want to die.  I’m too young,” replied Tom. “I want you to send me back immediately!”

“It’s not that easy”, said St. Peter.  “You can only return as a dog or a hen.  The choice is your own.”

Tom thought about it for awhile.  He figured that being a dog would be too tiring.  But a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life.  Running around with a rooster can’t be that bad.

“I want to return as a hen,” Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered.  But now he felt like his rear end was going to blow.  Then along came the rooster.

“Hey you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about,” the rooster said. “How do you like being a hen?”

“Well okay I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode.”

“Oh that!” said the rooster.  “That’s only the ovulation going on.  You need to lay an egg.”

“How do I do that?” asked Tom.

“Cluck twice, and then you push all you can!”

Tom clucked twin and pushed more than he was good for, and then ‘plop’!! An egg was on the ground.

“Wow!!”, Tom said.  “That felt really good!!” So he clucked again and squeezed.  And you better believe there was yet another egg on the ground.  The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shouting:

“TOM!!! For Christ’s sake!!! Wake up!!! You’re shittin’ all over the bed!”

The visit to the gynecologist

My friend was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.  Early one morning, she received a call from the doctor’s office to tell her that she had been rescheduled for that morning at 930AM.  She has only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already 845AM.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so she didn’t have time to spare.  As most women do she took a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time she wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort.

She rushed upstairs, threw off her pyjamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave herself a quick wash in the vaginal area to make sure she was at least presentable.  She threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to her appointment.

She was in the waiting room for only a few minutes and then was called in.  Knowing the procedure, she hopped up on the examining table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that she was in Paris or in some other place a million miles while being examined.

She was a bit surprised when the doctor said, “My we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?”.  She was baffled but didn’t respond.

After the appointment, she heaved a sigh of relief and went home.  The rest of the day was normal. Some shopping, cleaning and cooking. After school when her 6 years old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, “Mommy, where’s my washcloth?”

She told her to get another one from the cabinet.

Her daughter replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink.  It has all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it!”


The flight of the nun

A nun was sitting at the airport, waiting for her flight to Chicago.

She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune and thought to herself, “I’ll give it a try and see what it tells me.”

She went over to the machine, stepped on the scale and put a quarter in. Out came a card that read, “You are a nun.  You weight 128 pounds, and you are going to Chicago.”

The nun sat back down and told herself that the machine probably gives the same card to everyone.  The more she thought about it, the more curious she got.  She kept staring back at the weight machine.  She then decided to try it again.  She went back to the machine and inserted another quarter.  Out came a card that read: “You are a nun.  You weight 128 pounds.  You are going to Chicago.  And you’re going to play a fiddle.”

The nun says to herself, “I know that is wrong.  I have never played a musical instrument even once in my life.” Then sat back down at the boarding area.

From out of nowhere a man came over and sat down, putting his fiddle case on the seat between them.  Without thinking, she opened the man’s case, took out the fiddle, and started playing beautiful music.

Surprised at what she had done, she looked over at the machine thinking, “this is incredible! I’ve got to try this again.”

Back to the machine she went, put in another quarter, and another card came out.  It read, “You are a nun.  You weight 128 pounds. You are going to Chicago and you’re going to ‘break wind’.” Now she knows the machine is wrong as she thought to herself, “I’ve never broken wind in public a single time in my life!”

While getting off the machine, she slipped.  And as she was straining to keep herself from falling to the floor, she broke wind.

Absolutely stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine.  She said to herself, “This is truly remarkable.  I’ve got to try this again.”

After a couple of minutes, she went back to the machine, put in another quarter, and another card came out.  “You are a nun.  You weight 128 pounds.  You have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Chicago.”


It’s been raining for the last three weeks.  I mean, literally raining.  The city is drenched.  Kids have barely gone to school for the month.  Traffic is at an all time worst.  Gas is literally painful to pay.  Prices of commodities have gone up significantly. The peso has seen a drop in the exchange rate.

There’s really not a lot of positive vibes one can see each week.  Some friends of mine tell me they don’t even listen to the news lately.  During dinner at home, and we’re able to catch the news, my mom looks at the screen and comments “isn’t there any good news anymore?”

And I couldn’t help but agree. The only good news you see are that of the actors and actresses whose lives seem to prosper, in spite of the harder economic situation in the country.

This blog post takes a respite from the negativity and hope that some thoughts here will provide a more positive outlook during desperate times.

On past relationships and the comeback attempts

When the past comes knocking, don’t answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

Remember – been there, done that.  If someone has hurt you enough to let go, then you’re a masochist to want to relive that past.  Moving on means loving yourself first and foremost. Someone once said, “Don’t waste your time looking back, you’re not going that way.”

Actions and reactions

When you can’t control what is happening around you, challenge yourself to control the way in which you respond.

That, is where your true power lies.

I know that it’s difficult to be scrolling down a social media article and find irresponsible, ignominious and incomprehensible comments by either trolls or die hard purveyors of fake news (no political affiliation here).  Sometimes it’s more than frustrating because you know that there’s a jerk lurking out there, who needs to get a life, because he/she is too busy “commenting” on every news article!

But rudeness should not (always) beget rudeness.  I’ve always believed that while it may be difficult to not comment on stupidity, sometimes it’s easier to let go.


Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.

Work. Relations. Friendship.  Love.

Respect is the underlying and operative word.  When that’s gone – it’s time to leave.  No one needs to get treated like shit.  Even if there’s shit coming your way.  Every. Fucking. Day.

The good samaritan

Be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people.

If we can only change our paradigm on how to deal with human beings who are the epitome of scum, we probably would live in a better world.  But a utopian world does not exist.  Because we cannot please everyone.  Whatever challenges we face, we need to show respect to people even when they don’t deserve it.  Respect is a reflection of your character, not theirs.

The patients

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.  One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.  His bed was next to the room’s only window.  The other man had to spend all his time on his back.  The men talked for hours on end.  They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had gone for vacations…Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and colour of the world outside.  The window overlooked the park with a lovely lake.  Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats.  Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour and a fine view of the city skyline could be see in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would los his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.  Although the other man couldn’t hear the bad – he could see it! In his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.  She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.  As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window.  The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painful, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the world outside.  He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed…and it faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.  The nurse responded that the man was blind.  And could not even see the wall.

“Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you,” she said.

The moral of the story:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy.  Despite our own situations.  Sometimes we’re too busy looking out for ourselves that we forget that other people matter.  Shared grief is half the sorrow.  But when happiness is shared, it is doubled.  


Coming from the academe, the corporate world and a short stint in government, I’ve discovered that it has taken a lot of people several years to recognise the fact that MENTORING at any point in our careers creates large impacts on the lives of others.

Let me share with you a short story in order to place the right perspective on life:

Jean Thompson stood in front of her fifth-grade class on the first day of school in the fall and told the students a LIE.  Like most teachers, she looked at her pupils and said that she loved them all equally.  That she would treat them all alike.  But that was impossible, because there in front of her, slumped in his seat on the third row, was a young boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed he didn’t play well with the other children.  That his clothes were unkempt.  That he constantly needed a bath.  That Teddy was unpleasant.

It got to the point during the first few months of school, she would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen.  Making bold X’s and then marking the F at the top of the paper as large as she could.  Teddy was a sullen young boy.  No one else seemed to enjoy him, too.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child’s records and put Teddy’s off until last.  When she opened his file, she was in for a surprise.  His first-grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is a bright, inquisitive child with a ready laugh.  He does his work neatly and has good manners and he is a joy to be around.”

His second-grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is an excellent student well-liked by his classmates.  But he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home seems to be a struggle.”

His third-grade teacher wrote, “Teddy continues to work hard, but his mother’s death has been difficult for him.  He tries to do his best but his father doesn’t show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren’t taken.”

Teddy’s fourth-grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is withdrawn and doesn’t show much interest in school.  He doesn’t have many friends and sometimes sleeps in class.  He is tardy and could become a problem.”

By now, Mrs. Thompson realised the problem, but Christmas was coming fast.  It was all she could do, with the school play and all, until the day before the holidays began and she was suddenly forced to focus on Teddy Stoddard.

On the Christmas gather in school, her students brought her presents, all in beautiful ribbon and bright paper. Except for Teddy’s, which was clumsily wrapped in a heavy, brown paper of a scissored grocery bag.  Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other gifts.

Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle of perfume that was one-fourth in amount.  She stifled the children’s laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume behind the other wrist.  Teddy Stoddard stayed behind just long enough to say, “Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my mom used to.”

After the students left, she cried for at least an hour.  On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing, and language.  Instead, she began to teach children.  Jean Thompson paid particular attention to one they all called “TEDDY”.

As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive.  The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded.  On days where there would be an important test, Mrs. Thompson would remember that perfume.  By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in class.  And, well… he had also become the “pet” of the teacher who had once vowed to love all of her children exactly the same.

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that of all the teachers he’d had in elementary school, she was his favourite.

Six years went bey before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still his favourite teacher of all time.

Four years later, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he’d stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would graduate from college with the highest of honours.  He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still his favourite teacher.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came.  This time he explained that after he got his bachelor’s degree, he decided to go a bit further.  The letter explained that she was still his favourite teacher, but that now his name was a little longer.  The letter was signed, THEODORE F. STODDARD, M.D.

The story doesn’t end here.  You see, there was yet another letter that spring.  Teddy said he’d met this girl and was soon to be married.  He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering…well, if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the pew usually reserved for the mother of the groom.

At the wedding, Mrs. Thompson wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing.  And I bet, on that special day, Jean Thompson smelled just like…well, just like the way Teddy remembered his mother smelling on their last Christmas together.

Everyone has a role to play in making the journey of others worth pursuing.  The moral of the story here is that “you can never tell what type of impact you may make on another’s life by your actions or lack of action.” Consider this fact in your venture through life.

Common sense (gone)

Lawyer (L): Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?

Witness (W): No.  He was wearing a mask.

L: What was he wearing under the mask?
W: Errr….his face?

L: What happened then?

W: He told me, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.”

L: Did he kill you?

W: 🙄

L: Now sir, I’m sure you are intelligent and honest man.

W: Thank you.  If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment…

L: You were there until the time you left.  Is that true?
W: 🤪

L: Were you alone or by yourself?

W: 🙄
L: You went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?

W: I went to Europe sir.

L: And did you take your new wife with you?

W: No.  I thought we needed some time apart.

L: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

W: Yes

L: And these stairs, do they also go up?

W: 🤪

L: Have you lived in this town all your life?

W: Not yet.

L: Were you acquainted with the deceased?

W: Yes sir.

L: Before or after he died?

W: Seriously?

L: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?

Other Lawyer: Objection! That question should be taken out and shot!

Really dirty jokes…

[This post may not be suitable for a young audience, and those with immature minds.  Parental supervision or mental discretion is recommended before you read this.]

Sexual exhaustion

teacher was finishing class, and started talking about tomorrow’s final exam.  He said, there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member’s death.

 A smart ass guy said, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” And the whole classroom burst into laughter.  

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student and replied, “NOT AN EXCUSE.  YOU CAN USE YOUR OTHER HAND TO WRITE.”

Vivid dreams

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there’s only one room available and they need to share the only bed.

 In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting hand job!”

The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream too!!

Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”


A man and a woman started to make love in the middle of a dark forest.  

About fifteen minutes into sex, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!”

The woman replies, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”

Oral sex for cash

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”, he asks.  “

I’m going to Las Vegas.  You can earn $400 for oral sex there.  And I figured that I might as well earn some money for what I do to you free!”

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down with his suitcase packed as well.  

“Where do you think you’re going?”, asks the wife.

“I’m coming with you.  I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!”


A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.  

“Do you want a bag?”, the cashier asks.  

“No,”, the guy replies, “she’s not that ugly.”