That thing called ‘delicadeza’ #PetPeeveStories

As the last entry on pet peeves, I’m saving the most disturbing entry today.

Atty Jose C. Sison wrote on May 21, 2012 in the Philippine Star, about “Delicadeza”. This single Spanish word that literally means “delicateness; regard and sensitivity for others whether in feelings, action or operation; tact” are apt descriptions for trustworthiness of a public official.

Every sitting president begins his/her term with a noble goal of “eliminating or even lessening graft and corruption in government”. Analysts point out that this utopian goal is more achievable in highly developed countries rather than the developing ones.

They say that public trust is vital in the success of any government institution. As they say, “public office is a public trust”.

Sison goes on to describing delicadeza in the Filipino culture.

…it has been given a nobler meaning associated with holding a public office or position of authority and trust. It is actually a virtue possessed in the olden days by those in position of trust and authority which tells them that when mere impropriety or irregularity has been perceived in their actions while in office, it is more honourable to resign and relinquish their position than to hold on to it; or when doubts arise about their objectives and impartiality on certain matters they are called upon to decide, affirm or deny, they should inhibit themselves from doing so.

Before World War II, our parents used to tell us that most officials and employees of the government had the keen sense of delicadeza while performing their jobs. Any slightest hint or taint of irregularity or conduct unbecoming of their position was enough to compel them to irrevocably resign. They never put conditions to their resignations with words like “only the President can tell me to resign because I serve at the pleasure of the President.” They knew very well that their boss was the people and not the President.

After gaining our independence, delicadeza slowly faded as well. Government service slowly became a breeding ground for enrichment and entitlement. It became a business enterprise for those in public office.

When people in government abuse their office and destroy the very institution they work for, it makes it more difficult for future people in government to work for improving the gains of any institution. There is erosion of trust and confidence and rebuilding what has been destroyed is a gargantuan task that takes a toll on the economy and the people.

The recent “conflict of interest” by the office a presidential appointee regarding a security agency is a prime example of what delicadeza is NOT.

Justifying a deal with the various government offices for a family business when you are a government official leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

The reasoning that at the end of the day, the company this government official owns will only make a pittance is fraught with ethical dilemma. The family corporation still earns and it is taxpayers money that pays for the said deal. Whether it was a good deal or not in favor of the government is not the point here. Of course you can always argue about it’s legality. While the law can be interpreted in various ways to justify the deal, delicadeza dictates that it was still an unethical one.

This is not about what is legally right to justify a legitimate business for a security agency. If it’s such a good business, the owners don’t need to deal with government agencies because as the incorporators claim, they only make very little when they deal with government.

It is not only about the signatory of the deal. Or their relatives for that matter. It’s how their position can potentially “influence” the deal.

The justification sends a bad precedent among those in public office because it’s”legally” being twisted to accommodate whoever is in power. It is disappointing that people in the Administration see nothing wrong with the deal. It is not a matter of being above board. Parting with the largesse in government contracts when you or your family member has a powerful position in government is impropriety. Unethical. And lacks delicadeza.

But yeah. That thing called delicadeza is very lacking these days. To say that they lack decency is an understatement. Why they stay in government and build dynasties speaks of the financial remuneration being in public office has. Many of our government officials have generations of their relatives entrenched in office for the wrong reasons.

When institutions are politicised for the benefit of financial gains, we know that the government has failed us as a people. (And I speak for all previous heads of government as well.)

Only when delicadeza is brought back to our system, can we move forward as a nation. Otherwise, every changing of the guards will bring us back to square one.

“13 Reasons Why” #PetPeeveStories

I’m not sure how many of you have seen this Netflix series. If you haven’t, you should. It’s now on season 2. It’s one of those shows that while there is a lot of disturbing material, it also generates many eye opening opportunities for parents, the school, and the students.

The other day, while having lunch there were a bunch of teenage boys who were boisterous to the point that you could actually hear (albeit, painfully) their conversation.

Their topics varied from girls to teachers. Fair enough topics to discuss for their age. You know how teenage boys are. They are loud. Period. Bragging is second nature to them in order to prove their machismo! Proving that their genitals rule the world, many of them break the silence of a room by sharing the latest conquest with the power of the penis! (And that’s as graphic as I will get.)

We all say that it’s the “normal” rush of testosterone that flings the male species wand. Testosterone after all is the primary male sex hormone. Testosterone is also present in women but in very small amounts (as estrogen is present among males). Men have more testosterone because they have testicles. The hormone testosterone is an androgen produced by the testicles in cells called Leydig cells.

Testosterone levels are highest during puberty. Which explains the higher sex drive and rough edges of the male species.

In the series “13 Reasons Why”, while the death of Hannah last summer was multifaceted, it nevertheless centered on the fragility of teens living in a world where the Internet has changed the paradigm on how to deal with human beings.

It also dealt with teens living in different conditions where immediate gratification and approval from friends, family dynamics and how those who’re supposed to protect the best interests of the youth are expected.

In an era where bullying is an acceptable “norm” and accountability is fragile, abuse is extended to the weak, and no one is willing to speak the truth, “13 Reasons Why” encompasses the situation of living and surviving in the 21st century.

The “jocks” who move around campus with prize girls willing to trade sex in exchange for popularity has impacted on how parents who are busy with their careers while balancing on how to rear their children need to deal with sex, drugs and bullying in the school premises.

And this is not a alarmist call. It’s a wake up call to reality. It’s been in existence since time immemorial.

Truth is, when I was in high school, I was bullied. Treated differently. And I know how it felt to be an outcast. To stand my ground. To be alone. But not everyone survives the hurt. Decades later, I still recall the pain. All that I thought of was not vengeance but how to make the pain go away and be strong enough to deal with this kind of people in my life.

Our children are the future of the country. Raising them well as model citizens with appropriate morals is our responsibility.

From someone who has gone through the throngs or being bullied, to surviving it, deep within the scars remain. The scars are there, not because I have 13 Reasons Why I will hurt myself, but to make it serve as a million reasons why I need to look at over and over again as a reminder that bullying is not and can never be acceptable in any form.

In and out #PetPeeveStories

A common scenario in any place is the flow through the door. Yes, the door will have a say in today’s blog. Even for just a segment, appropriate behaviour should be exercised when going “in and out” of the door.

1. Out before in.

Always let the people going out of the door first before entering. And I mean any door! Elevator door, automatic revolving doors or sliding doors, doors with handles – as long as it’s a door – let those coming out move first before moving in.

Let’s put a better example. I’m sure we all have a closet! When the closet is so full, every time we open the door to place something IN, everything comes OUT first before things can fit inside. Same logic stupid!

It peeves me when I see people rushing into an elevator when the door opens! Its like you want to scream, let the people out first!

2. Disabled and the elderly

Allow the disabled and the elderly access out and in through the door. In like manner, the disabled and senior citizens should nevertheless follow rule #1 above. Out before in. The rule of allowing the elderly and those with infirmity access ahead is ALWAYS superseded by the first rule of thumb through any portal – let people out first before you move in.

3. Being a child is no excuse

You know how it is when kids rush through the door when it opens? Let me remind the parents and guardians that the child is YOUR responsibility. You cannot just shrug your shoulder and say, “well he’s a kid”! No! You teach that kid good manners and appropriate conduct. Hold the child, and tell him/her, to allow people out before going in with the child. And that rushing into an opening IS NOT right. When your child bumps into other people on their way out, always remember to profusely apologize for the misbehaviour. It was wrong. You’re sorry. And teach the child to say sorry too. At any age and circumstance, rule #1 always supersedes all rules.

No approved therapeutic claim #PetPeeveStories

I have nothing against complementary alternative medicine. Let that be my disclaimer before you go on to reading this post. After all, there is a scientific basis for herbal products. I understand the general public that wants to use “herbal supplements” and other forms of complementary alternative treatment modalities (acupuncture, Ayurvedic Medicine, massage, etc) for either prevention or treatment of an underlying disease.

For the understanding of the reader, CAM or complementary and alternative medicine is the general term for health and wellness therapies not part of conventional Western Medicine. Complementary refers to treatment used alongside conventional medicine. Alternative refers to treatment in place of conventional therapy.

The focus of CAM is the person as a whole – emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental health. Natural products, also known as naturopathy, include herbs and dietary supplements.

With increasing use of CAM worldwide, the term Integrative Medicine has been preferred to describe the best of conventional care with the best of alternative medicines.

Sadly, while not a lot of patients understand what CAM is, the lack of knowledge and information by many doctors limits the integration into best clinical practice of CAM with conventional medicine. It is important in this equation that BOTH parties understand each other when using CAM as part of, or as a substitute for, conventional medicine.

The peeve in this issue is the misunderstanding of either parties about CAM.

Complementary therapies used alongside may help in the management of certain diseases. For example, marijuana in patients undergoing chemotherapy has beneficial properties on the nausea and vomiting side effects of chemotherapeutic agents. Instead of having to administer an anti-emetic agent, minimising more drugs which can result in drug to drug interaction may benefit select patients.

Like many other things in life, what may be good for the goose may not necessarily be applicable for the gander. Which means, that just because it works for someone, it is applicable to all.

Many alternative therapies lack controlled clinical trials. Clinical trials is the road taken by conventional medicines in order to support the claim of efficacy over placebo or other standard therapy. It is thereby encouraged that when looking for the evidence of efficacy and safety, clinical trials over testimonials are the rule rather than the exception.

Physicians are encouraged to learn about the benefits and risks of CAM, the science behind their development, and their uses and contraindications as well as potential drug interactions with conventional medicine so that when discussing it with patients who inquire about this issue, they can discuss on a cerebral level, its potential use and misuse with the patient.

Two important points should be cited here:

1. Physicians should not base their recommendation of CAM on financial gains by selling a product in their clinics, without appropriate information on the supplement.

2. Some doctors refuse to use it because they say the patient will not benefit from its complementary, alternative or integrative use not because there is truly no “approved therapeutic claim”, but because the doctor does not know what the product and the question is.

As physicians, the prime objective is to do no harm to patients. This includes assisting them in the various levels of care of their illness. Patients rely highly on recommendations of doctors. When the doctor shuns away information (valid or not) brought to his/her attention by patients who pick up a variety of information on the Internet, it is their responsibility to keep updated and assist the patient in arriving at a consensus in the management of the patient’s illness.

No one deserves anything less.

A friendly advice to patients, don’t believe everything on the Internet. It takes very little effort to sell something that can bring you harm. Discuss CAM with your physician or someone knowledgable in this first.

In your face! #PetPeeveStories

It’s hurtful when wrong or harm is done in front of our eyes and no one does something about it. I’m sure many of us have been in that position before.

Ever since I was a human being, I’ve always wondered why jeepneys, taxis, buses and tricycles load and unload passengers anywhere they want. There’s a large sign that says NO LOADING AND UNLOADING or another sign that says LOADING AND UNLOADING ZONE, but none these public transport vehicles seem to pay attention to the rule. And you see there’s a traffic aide right beside the sign. It’s like – what are these signs? Are they mere suggestions?

Many decades later, this pet peeve has remained the same, if not worse. I’ve asked myself over and over again. Why can’t Filipinos fall in line? Why can’t they cross at pedestrian lanes? Why do they insist on being first when they are last to come? What is it with them that simple discipline and simple instructions cannot be followed?

But that’s not the only “in your face” situation that is irritating. When there is blatant disregard of authority (the traffic aide looks the other way and you see that he’s taking a bribe or simply anyone in cahoots with something illegal), our reaction of staying in the shadows is disappointing.

When you see a friend or colleague or child being bullied, and refuse to help or do anything, we are accomplices to the act. We can not deny that fact that the result of the bullying was part of our inaction.

It’s terrifying that as human beings in a supposedly decent society, there are those who have no regard for decency, integrity, discipline and honor.

When we let evil prevail, we do harm indirectly. During those in your face moments, who do you fight for?

The soap story #PetPeeveStories

“There is no greater fool than the fool that was fooled by a fool.”

And nothing sets that example better than those very bad, false advertisements you see on media.

Let me tell you about a true story. It’s the story of a soap.

Atul Gawande, one of my favorite authors, wrote in his book entitled “The Checklist Manifesto: How to get things right” as reference for this story.

One of the most revealing public health studies published was a joint public health program conducted by the US CDC (Center for Disease Control) and HOPE, a charitable organization in Pakistan, “to address the perilous rise of premature deaths among children in the slums of Karachi. The squatter settlements surrounding the megacity contained more than four million people living under some of the most crowded and squalid conditions in the world. Sewage ran in the streets. Chronic poverty and food shortages left 30-40% of the children malnourished. Virtually all drinking water sources were contaminated. One child in ten died before age five – usually from diarrhea or acute respiratory infections.

The roots of these problems were deep and multifactorial. Besides inadequate water and sewage system, illiteracy played a part, hampering the spread of basic health knowledge. Corruption, political instability, and bureaucracy discouraged investment in local industry that might provide jobs and money for families to improve their conditions. Low global agriculture prices made rural farming impossible, causing hundreds of thousands to flock to the cities in search of work, which only increased the crowding. Under these circumstances, it seemed unlikely that any meaningful improvement in the health of children could be made without a top-to-bottom reinvention of government and society.

But a young public health worker had an idea. Stephen Luby had grown up in Omaha, Nebraska, where his father chaired the obstetrics and gynaecology faculty at Creighton University. He attended medical school at the University of Texas Southwestern. But for some reason he was always drawn up to public health work. He took a CDC job investigating infectious outbreaks in South Carolina, but when a position came open in the CDC’s Pakistan Office he jumped to take it. He arrived in Karachi with his schoolteacher wife and began publishing his first investigations of conditions there in the late nineties.

When Gawande had spoken to him about how he thought through the difficulties, Luby looked for low-tech solutions. In this case, the solution he came up with was so humble it seemed laughable. It was soap.

Luby learned that Procter & Gamble, the consumer product conglomerate, was eager to prove the value of its new antibacterial Safeguard soap. So despite his colleagues’ skepticism, he persuaded the company to provide a grant for a proper study and to supply cases of Safeguard both with and without triclocarban, an antibacterial agent. Once a week, field workers from HOPE fanned out through 25 randomly chosen neighborhoods in the Karachi slums distributing soap, some with the antibacterial agent and some without. They encouraged people to use it in six situations: to wash their bodies once daily and to wash their hand every time they defecated, wiped an infant, or were about to eat, prepare food, or feed it to others. The field-workers then collected information on illness rates among children in the test neighbourhoods, as well as on 11 control neighborhoods, where no soap was distributed.

Luby and his team reported their results in a landmark paper published in Lancet in 2005.

What did the interventional study reveal?

1. Families in the test neighborhoods received an average of 3-4 bars of soap per week for one year. The incidence of diarrhea among children in these neighborhoods dropped 52% versus the control group, no matter which soap was used.

2. The incidence of pneumonia fell 48%.

3. The incidence of bacterial skin infection (impetigo) fell 35%.

These astounding results were achieved despite the illiteracy, the poverty, the crowding, and even the fact that, however, much soap they used, people were still drinking and washing with contaminated water!

According to Luby, Procter & Gamble were disappointed with the outcome of the study because the research concluded what infectious diseases specialists knew all along – there was no added benefit with the antibacterial agent because plain soap was just as effective.

Soap and proper hand washing was enough leverage to change the landscape of infectious diseases in the community.

And several studies before and after this landmark study had shown that proper hygiene was all that mattered.

No advertisement. No fooling the public on what soap to buy. None of that bullsh*t endorsement at all.

I tell this story to my friends and patients so that it serves as a firm reminder that NOT all marketing strategies are truthful. I’ve always told my students that a good product or commodity or drug will sell on its own. The rest need the power of push – exaggerated advertising claims!

In this dog eat dog world, let’s put a little sense into common sense and not depend on the crap that endorsers day. After all, they get paid millions of pesos to make a fool believe the fool.

You don’t say! #PetPeeveStories

Writing and communication is a passion many of us take to task. I for one, enjoy writing. Of course, there are those who write only to rant. Why we write, is beyond this blog. How we write, however, is a pet peeve of any reader.

Spelling, grammar and syntax is unquestionably important in the composition of a sentence. And while writing requires a flow and through process (why would you want to read something that is scattered brain), it becomes disruptive when there’s so much grammatical error and misspelling.

These are my peeves, as I’m sure you have yours as well.

1. The repetition

It is wrong to use both the words “repeat” and “again” in one sentence. Whether it is written or said, they are both wrong.

Example: “Let me repeat what I told you today again.” Being repetitious is grammatically wrong.

2. Apostrophes

The apostrophe sign is NOT meant to make a word plural. And there are words that are already plural WITHOUT the letter “S”.


– Did you see that there are many troll’s in the post? (Correct: trolls)

– How much salts do we add with the sugars? (Correct: salt and sugar are both singular and plural)

3. “Literally”

When I use the term “literally”, it means it actually happened. Which is not imaginative and therefore different when I say, “figuratively” speaking.

4. Loose vs lose

You’re such a loser if you can’t figure this one out. The mere fact that they are spelled differently implies they have different meanings.

Lose is a verb. An action. To fail to win. To misplace. To free oneself.

Loose is an adjective meaning “not tight”.

Example: The country loses when we forged a bond with a company because someone with a loose cannon said it was okay.

5. Their, they’re, there

These three words are not the same.

Like loose and lose and a lot more words that “sound alike” but don’t mean the same or spelled the same, let’s just be clear on these three words.

There is the opposite of here. It means “in that place” not here. Example: Where did you park the car? I parked the car there.

Or it can mean that something exists. Example: There is a place in Berlin that we should checkout.

Their is a possessive adjective used before a noun. Emphasizing it belongs to them.

Example: Their car is a Porsche. And their kids go to an international school.

They’re is a word made up of two words – ‘they’ and ‘are’. It’s usually used before an adjective ending in ING.

Examples: They’re bringing some wine and cheese to the picnic. Personally, I think they’re a nice family.

6. Your and you’re

Are not the same. While they sound the same, they have different meanings.

Your is a possessive adjective. It shows possession and belongingness.

Example: Whatever lies and shit you did, you need to clean up your own mess.

You’re is made up of two words – ‘you’ and ‘are’. Example: If you think that the judge is sane, you’re crazier than I thought you were.

7. Affect vs. effect

Affect is a verb while effect is a noun. Affect is an action word, meaning “to act upon or produce a change or effect in, to impress or move feelings”. Example: The very hot temperature in the metro affected the delivery of the vaccines to the clinic.

Affect can be a noun when describing emotion. Example: His daughter had a sad affect after her boyfriend revealed that he was gay.

Effect is usually used as a noun. It means result or consequence of. Example: The bad breath was an effect of his vegetarian diet.

8. Its and it’s

We usually use “it’s”. Like the examples above, it’s composed of two word – ‘it’ and ‘is’.

Two words into one is called contraction. The rule of thumb here is simple – when you mean it is or it has, use an apostrophe; and when it’s a possessive, no apostrophe should be there.

Example: It’s highly unlikely that change is coming to them because the advisers have their own agenda. The people in the cabinet have demonstrated its tenacity at arriving a consensus.

9. Then and than

Then is an adverb used to situate actions in time. Or it can be a noun meaning “that time”, or an adjective meaning “at that time”.

Examples: If you don’t wake up early, then you’ll be late for class because the traffic would be bad when you leave before 6am.

I couldn’t wake up early, but then who cares?

My then life before I joined the army was a much better one.

Than is a conjunction used to make comparisons.

Example: The SALN of the congressman showed that he had made more money in 2017 than all the years from 2010-2016 combined.

10. Fish and fishes

The plural of fish is usually fish. Fishes is used only to refer to multiple species of fish. When you want to say that you saw a lot of a particular species of fish when you went snorkelling, you say you saw a school of fish.


The danggit fish at the Cebu wet market was so good.

These fish emit distress signals when a storm approaches the island.

Those most in jeopardy were the smaller fishes with eating and sheltering habits.

During the interview, the reporter usually fishes for anything unusual in the conversation between the lawmakers.

They say that the pen is mightier than the sword. I say, only when the grammar and spelling are correct. Otherwise, it becomes a painful exercise in futility.

Manners and right conduct for kids – Part 3 #PetPeeveStories

Table manners tell us a lot about how kids are raised. Nothing speaks more of an individual than proper table manners. Cultural differences may serve as minor excuses for a little variation or two, nevertheless, there are general rules for table manners in children that we need to teach and remind them of (and I guess that’s true for adults as well):

Washing hands before and after eating. Proper hygiene is important in children because most of them come from playing and touching dirty objects. It reminds them that cleanliness is next to Godliness.

Chewing, talking and swallowing are three movements that cannot be done simultaneously. Even when it CAN, this is not a “Got Talent” show! Spit flies, words are not understandable and the child can choke on his food.

Table manners include manners on how to use those utensils and other paraphernalia properly. Use the right utensils when eating. If there are chopsticks in a restaurant and the child does not know how to use one, ask the server for spoon and fork. The restaurant IS NOT the appropriate place to teach and learn how to use chopsticks. It just makes a mess all over the table and believe me when I say that the sushi flies!

Sound effects are not part of eating. No slurping of food please. Use the napkin (which you must always ask for) and wipe your mouth for any dribble of food.

And finally, don’t forget to say thank you and please. Please pass the salt. Please reach me the fork. Thank you for a lovely meal. Thank you for cooking for us. Please, may I have seconds? Please and thank you are words that make mealtime an appreciative one.

Manners and right conduct for kids – Part 2 #PetPeeveStories

To continue from yesterday’s blog post on manners and right conduct for children, we will tackle appropriate etiquette on how kids should deal with adults and other children (and friends).

Part 2 – With adults and other children

Dealing with adults involves a learning curve. As Filipinos, we teach the kids to say “po” as a sign of courtesy and respect to our elderly.

When talking to adults (or other kids), remind them to look at people in the eyes. It’s a sign of proper communication and respect. And being able to tell the truth.

Don’t interrupt when people are talking. I remember my teacher in college algebra telling us that “when you are talking and I am talking at the same time, one of us is bastos (rude). I’d rather you be rude than me.”

Don’t use foul language. It’s important that those swear words are used sparingly. They’re signs of being raised by barbarians.

When you’re with other children, it’s important to remember that patience is a virtue. Wait for your turn. Falling in line is a sign of discipline. There’s an experiment that was done in children that showed kids who were more patient were highly correlated with discipline.

Never make fun of anyone. Bullies are made, not born. When your friends abuse other people, it’s not okay. And it doesn’t matter that it’s not okay to be cool. Being cool by hurting others is never okay.

Using kind words and giving compliments among other children are reflective of the kind of family they come from. And these compliments must be truthful and come from the heart.

They say that what a child says is more often than not the truth. They blurt out what they mean. And mean what they say. We just need to teach them what is appropriate and what is not.

Rowdiness is a reflection of the kind of breeding we have. And it’s not okay.

Manners and right conduct for kids – Part 1 #PetPeeveStories

Children are usually a bundle of joy and laughter. Some are also the devil’s advocate. And I’m sure you’ll agree with me that kids today (and the youth in particular) lack a lot of basic public etiquette.

Good manners and right conduct seem to have been thrown out of the window because guardians and parents spend less time with their children. They’re usually left to an electronic baby sitter or a nanny who wouldn’t care less (or is totally clueless) when it comes to child rearing.

Whatever the reason, a rude child is the making of a rude adult. An ill-mannered individual is not born. They are made. So before we all go ranting with anger on why so on and so forth are uncivilised people, they have a past. And it begins during their childhood years.

I will divide the blog into three parts (otherwise it gets to be too long):

1. Manners in general

2. With adults and other children

3. And at the dinner table

And you may have other thoughts you wish to share (so feel free to leave a comment). This is being written, as a gentle reminder on how to raise our children properly. Remember- we reap what we sow!

Part 1 – The General Rules

1. Always say thank you and please. Gratitude expressed is always appreciated. Most especially from someone you expect to hear the “thank you” from. Brighten up someone’s day – don’t forget to say please and thank you. Always.

2. Say hello and goodbye. At the clinic, I greet each of my little (and older) patients with Hello and close the consultation with a Goodbye. It’s always good manners to teach children proper greeting manners as well. Just to make sure that they’re not a robot.

3. Holding the door open for people is a nice gesture. When kids see adults running towards the open door and slamming it against other people, they think that it’s an appropriate behavior. Exiting and entering are manners should be taught. Reminder – allow people to exit first before entering. Rule of thumb is OUT before IN!

4. Kids intelligence should not be underestimated. Remember, they hear, see, feel, taste and smell what we do. Those sneaky things that we do under their very nose which they see and hear. Or those bad habits we have like being late or screaming at one another at the dinner table or whispering about bad secrets which they overhear.

5. Manners are important. Sitting properly. Cleaning up after making a mess. Covering your mouth when you sneeze. Saying “excuse me” when you need to interrupt a conversation. Saying sorry when you bump into someone accidentally. Learning how to answer the phone properly. Manners matter.

Raising a child should be based on our standards. Not theirs. And the kind of child you raise is a reflection of our child rearing.