The flight of the nun

A nun was sitting at the airport, waiting for her flight to Chicago.

She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune and thought to herself, “I’ll give it a try and see what it tells me.”

She went over to the machine, stepped on the scale and put a quarter in. Out came a card that read, “You are a nun.  You weight 128 pounds, and you are going to Chicago.”

The nun sat back down and told herself that the machine probably gives the same card to everyone.  The more she thought about it, the more curious she got.  She kept staring back at the weight machine.  She then decided to try it again.  She went back to the machine and inserted another quarter.  Out came a card that read: “You are a nun.  You weight 128 pounds.  You are going to Chicago.  And you’re going to play a fiddle.”

The nun says to herself, “I know that is wrong.  I have never played a musical instrument even once in my life.” Then sat back down at the boarding area.

From out of nowhere a man came over and sat down, putting his fiddle case on the seat between them.  Without thinking, she opened the man’s case, took out the fiddle, and started playing beautiful music.

Surprised at what she had done, she looked over at the machine thinking, “this is incredible! I’ve got to try this again.”

Back to the machine she went, put in another quarter, and another card came out.  It read, “You are a nun.  You weight 128 pounds. You are going to Chicago and you’re going to ‘break wind’.” Now she knows the machine is wrong as she thought to herself, “I’ve never broken wind in public a single time in my life!”

While getting off the machine, she slipped.  And as she was straining to keep herself from falling to the floor, she broke wind.

Absolutely stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine.  She said to herself, “This is truly remarkable.  I’ve got to try this again.”

After a couple of minutes, she went back to the machine, put in another quarter, and another card came out.  “You are a nun.  You weight 128 pounds.  You have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Chicago.”

The flight

A woman and a lawyer were seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.  After making a casual greeting, the lawyer asked if she would like to play a fun game.

The woman, tired, just wanted to take a nap.  She politely declined and rolled over to the window to catch a few winks.  The persistent lawyer explained that the game is easy.  And fun.  “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00 and vice-versa.”

She stares at him and says she decline and tries to get some sleep.

After take off, the lawyer gets agitated and says, “okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00. AND, if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $500.00!”

This catches the woman’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. “What is the distance from the Earth to the moon?”

The woman doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.  “Okay”, says the lawyer, “your turn.”

She asks, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.  No answer.  He taps into the earphone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress.  No answer.  Frustrated, he sends emails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail.  After almost two hours into the flight, he wakes the woman and hands her $500.00.

The woman says, “Thank you”, and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who more than a bit miffed, wakes the woman and asks, “well…what’s the answer?”

Without a word, the woman reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

The plane crash

A chartered flight was making a descent towards Washington DC and was carrying some important passengers on board.

There were four passengers who were on plane. As it approached the airport, the engines conked out and was going to crash. There were only 3 parachutes on the plane.

The first passenger said, I am James LeBron, a great basketball player. Aside from the fact that my team needs me, millions of my fans will be disappointed if I die early. He grabs a parachute and then jumps.

The second passenger says, I am Donald Trump, the president of the greatest country in the world. I am also the smartest president in American history, so people don’t want me to die. He grabs a parachute and then jumps.

Only the Pope and a young boy were left on the plane.

The Pope looks at the 10 year old boy with love and says, “I am old and don’t have many years left. You are young and still have many years left and dreams ahead. I will sacrifice my life for you. Take the remaining parachute my child.”

The little boy replied back, “that’s okay your Holiness. There’s a parachute left for you. The smart president took my backpack by mistake.” 😂😜😊