Really dirty jokes…

[This post may not be suitable for a young audience, and those with immature minds.  Parental supervision or mental discretion is recommended before you read this.]

Sexual exhaustion

teacher was finishing class, and started talking about tomorrow’s final exam.  He said, there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member’s death.

 A smart ass guy said, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” And the whole classroom burst into laughter.  

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student and replied, “NOT AN EXCUSE.  YOU CAN USE YOUR OTHER HAND TO WRITE.”

Vivid dreams

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there’s only one room available and they need to share the only bed.

 In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting hand job!”

The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream too!!

Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”

Flashlight

A man and a woman started to make love in the middle of a dark forest.  

About fifteen minutes into sex, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!”

The woman replies, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”

Oral sex for cash

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”, he asks.  “

I’m going to Las Vegas.  You can earn $400 for oral sex there.  And I figured that I might as well earn some money for what I do to you free!”

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down with his suitcase packed as well.  

“Where do you think you’re going?”, asks the wife.

“I’m coming with you.  I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!”

Bag

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.  

“Do you want a bag?”, the cashier asks.  

“No,”, the guy replies, “she’s not that ugly.”

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