life

Kick ass 2

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It’s the first time I’m giving a second “kick” at random thoughts on this topic as I attempt to wind up my posts of Relative Joys on resilience and strength.

1. See failure as a beginning, not an end.

Some things are just not meant to be. Deal with it. No use crying over spilled milk. If at first it does not succeed then try, try again. We’ve heard these lines before and they remain relevant till today.

2. If you don’t go after it, you won’t have it.

Chase your dreams, no matter how tough it is. Having a goal (but let’s stick to being realistic) is better than none. You don’t want to be called a deadbeat or a leech, so stop acting like one.

3. Always do more than what is expected of you.

Sometimes we just give what we want. Well, hell yeah – that’s all we get paid for! We’ve always hated the class “show-off” or the kid that raised his hand after each teacher’s question or the guy at the office that the boss could rely on during crunch time. Guess what? That’s your fault. Stepping up to the plate means doing much more than what’s in your job description. The boss always prefers a team player.

4. Assume nothing and question everything.

Never believe in everything you hear. Yep! People always promise everything. They’d even tell you that they’re Moses and you’re off to the Promise Land. They just say that to F with your head. And I’ve been redundant saying “no greater fool than the fool that was fooled by a fool”.

5. Make peace with the past or you’ll pay for it.

It’s never good to cling on to what was and can never be again. Let it go for God’s sake. Dwelling on the past is detrimental to both physical and mental health. Forgiving and forgetting is not as easy as it seems but letting go of what was is forgiving yourself.

6. Stop thinking so much and start acting.

I know people who just keep thinking about the WHYs in life. Questioning on why their plans have been stone walled, why things aren’t working their way, why life is not fair. They’re called signs. There are signs that are written all over the wall! If you can’t see it, you’re still in a stage of denial. Slap yourself and move on. You cannot do if you do not move.

7. Never compare yourself to others

Envy is the harbinger of greed, graft, corruption and evil. You know why people get involved in shenanigans? It stems from envy. These low life appreciate only how green the grass on the other side is. The Americans call it “keeping up with the Joneses” syndrome. I call it pure envy. Appreciating what you have and living with what you have, is called contentment. Doing good should make us sleep better at night.

8. Teach others what you know

The greatest leader will always be the one that creates a greater leader. Teaching has always been my cup of tea. Sharing your time and knowledge is irreplaceable and unmatched. As they say, you reap what you sow.

Life truths

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Lifehack has a short list on hard truths which we wish we knew early on in life.

When we were young, we all wished we were adults sooner than we thought. Responsibilities. Freedom. Making money. Financially stable. Professionally made.

As adults, at times we wish we were kids again. Carefree. Dependent. Cared for. Few life stressors.

I’m sharing with you Lifehack’s 8 hard truths about life (and my personal take on these) which we wish we knew earlier:

1. Everyone you love is going to die

Sadly, no one lives forever. And while death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. So here’s to living and loving one day at a time.

2. We give our lives meaning. If you feel that your life is meaningless, that’s your fault.

Only we have the power to chart our directions in life. Only we can allow people to hurt us or violate our rights. If you allow this, you deserve what you dish out. Stop blaming others.

3. The perfect partner doesn’t exist.

We’re all idealistic. Who doesn’t want a whirlwind romantic relationship? But searching in the wrong ocean may be what you’re doing. Ideal relations are wonderful goals. Be realistic. Building a fantastic relationship takes two to tango.

4. Life is a game. Find the games you want to play, learn the rules, and find a way to be successful at the game you selected.

Or tap out if you can’t hack it.

Sorry kids. The truth is out. Life is a game. A game of chance. Sadly, the fact is, some of us don’t realise that we either sink or swim in the game called life. Like any game, there will always be cheaters. And the latter may win a game. It’s up to you if you allow it, the next round.

5. Everything ends. Youth, love, life. All will end. That’s what makes them valuable.

Cherish them while you can. Make the most out of them while you still can. Look for happiness. Martyrdom is a thing of the past. Live to love and love to be happy. We only live once. And die once as well.

6. Be romantic about the little things.

It’s more memorable that way. Attachment may be something we try to shun away from so that we don’t hurt when it’s time to say goodbyes. But memories of good times put a smile on our faces. It’s not about the hurt that we need to focus on. It’s about why fairytale “aha” moments that are remembered most.

7. Be a realist about the big things. Life isn’t a movie. You need to have a plan. Have an artist’s ambition but an engineer’s mindset.

Have you ever tried to walk away from what doesn’t fit you or doesn’t feel right and feel good after walking away? Sure you’ll be poor for awhile but hey, that’s reality. Life will never give you rainbows everyday. There will be rollercoaster rides. That’s why you need to have a plan. And if you keep getting stuck at Plan A, well tough luck. That’s probably where you’ll still be 10 years from today. Reality bites. But it is what it is.

8. Figure out a way or don’t complain

Starting all over again is not bad. It’s actually what successful people do. “Your last mistake will be your best teacher.” And that’s a fact. Life will always offer you a million chances to make you happier and a better person. Don’t regret the opportunities for change. Walk away if you must but don’t complain at where you get stuck.

Contentment

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Change doesn’t come from comfort.

It’s an important reminder that “if it doesn’t open, it’s not your door”.

So here’s a few tips on being content:

1. Stop complaining

As Teddy Roosevelt aptly puts it, “complaining about a problem without offering a solution is called whining”. And there are those that are just good at complaining. They’re never happy unless they see others in a miserable state.

2. Be thankful

The secret to having it all is knowing you already do. A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles. Be grateful when things are going our way. Be graceful when they’re not. Life isn’t all a bed of roses. There are thorns to help you appreciate the beauty of life.

3. Change your perspective

Happiness lies in perspective. As Henry Thoreau aptly puts it “the question is not what you look at but what you see.” Remember, no one ever injured their eyesight by looking on the bright side.

4. Don’t compare

Not everyone gets an equal shake and share in their lives. Always keep in mind that you need to be busy enough not to look at how green the grass of your neighbors are. Louise Bourgeois once said that “you must accept the fact that others don’t see what you do.”

5. Put people before things

Although having material things matter to us, a lot of it will not last long. People matter – no matter what their status in life are. Letting them down because you choose material things over their immediate concerns is disconcerting.

6. Do away with wish lists

We all have a bucket list. Things we want to have. Places we want to go to. Love we wish we have. It’s not a bad thought. There are a million things we want before we die. But here’s the take. We need to create memories that last a lifetime. Make an impression on the world. Dreaming of unrealistic goals speaks of discontent. Love what you have. Focus on today. Make your expectations realistic. Savor the little things. Unclutter your life.

Socrates tells us “he who is not content with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”

Simply living or living simply

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We either live simply or simply live.

Simply living for the sake of surviving has no true goal except existence. Simply living is a survival mode for those of us who go through stressful lives worrying about tomorrow yet being stuck living in the past. In order to live a life with minimal anxiety, we need to live simply. And here are 10 tips on living a simple life:

1. Prioritize

If you had one thing that’s most important to you, what would it be?

2. Eliminate toxic people from your life

Parasites and vultures are not the kind of people you want to surround yourself with. They take advantage of you and are there only during the times when you’re at the peak of your career. When you’re at your lowest, you’re carcass to them.

3. Give yourself a day

We all need a break. No matter how life treats you, there’s got to be a time for yourself – me time. Take that time to recharge, rethink and rebuild your strength.

4. Make a budget and pay off a debt

Don’t bury yourself in “wants”. Pay in cash when you need to. Drowning yourself in debt leads to more anxiousness. Think about your future because the one who plans well during the summer of our lives, reaps best during the cold winter season.

5. Reduce hypotheticals

Avoid overthinking the “what if’s” of our lives. There’s a lot to earn and learn in life. Take it in stride. One day at a time. Waiting for bad things to happen will just drive us crazy thinking of things that may never occur.

6. Make home your sanctuary

Don’t bring work home. Home is a special place to rest our weary bodies and mind. It’s called home for the very reason that it is our happy place. Keep it that way.

7. Say no more often

There are those that just live for the sake of rumor mongering. The less said, the less mistakes. There’s no use arguing when someone has made up his/her mind. When we need to provide an opinion, try to choose the right words as often as possible. That way, you’re able to drive the message across without hurting others in the process. Before saying anything, pause if you must.

8. Value your time and others

Avoid making too many appointments. Respecting the time of others is not only a professional act but respect as well. We complain so much when we’re kept waiting forever. But with ditch the same practice ourselves. Valuing others time is a reciprocal respect.

9. Watch less TV

Yes. Those telenovelas have no purpose in life. Schedule your time being glued to the screen. Imagine if you watched 3hrs of TV a day, 7 days a week, that would be 84 hours a month. Tantamount to wasting more than 3 days a month or 36 days a year for what?!?! You could have done so much more with your life in 36 days! Imagine if you’ve routinely done this for the last 25 years! That’s 900 days or almost 2 1/2 years of life wasted staring at a box!

10. Get a physical activity going or a hobby

Boredom is deadly. An idle mind is the devil’s playground. We need to do something worthwhile with our lives. Staying physically fit allows us healthier living. As they say, health is wealth. And we spend less time (and money) with the doctor, if we only made a habit of staying healthy rather than just being alive.

The parable of the hollow blocks

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There were three workers in a construction site who were busy putting up hollow blocks in the middle of a hot sunny day. The foreman passed by and noticed that they were working at different paces. While they were all placing the blocks one on top of another, their energy levels differed.

The first worker was slowly putting one block on top of another at a slow pace and grumpily cursed as he went along his chores. The second worker worked slightly a bit faster and was doing it quietly, while the third worker was placing the blocks at an amazingly timely motion and was humming a tune the whole time he was working.

The foreman asked the first worker why he was working at that pace and sans energy. He replied, “because I have to work on a hot humid day”. When the second worker was asked why he was working at that pace, but slightly faster than the first worker, he replied, “because I need to finish my work early and earn my pay.” When the third worker was asked where he gets the impetus to work harder with a happy disposition, he replied, “because I am working to finish building a school which many children can use when it is finished early”.

There are many versions to this story, with the kind of building (a church, home, or hospital) being built in the end, depending on the story teller.

Today’s blog post is inspired by Fr. James McTavish during his talk at the recently concluded Philippine Pediatric Society’s Annual Convention held at the PICC. Fr James talked on the topic “Wounded Healers”.

As a people, we are wounded in various ways. From relationships to the workplace or school, we’re broken in some form.

I’m taking the cue from Fr. James (who happens to be a pediatric plastic surgeon) on the healthcare professionals to share my thoughts on being wounded healers.

Taking care of patients in general is not an easy task. There’s the patient and his/her family we need to understand. People think that as doctors we are infallible. I’d like to believe that we all remember why we became healers in the first place. While a few of us (like me) took this road out of serendipity, we are all bound by a Hippocratic Oath of first doing NO HARM.

Most of us in the profession take the higher moral ground of being true healers rather than doing this because of the financial remuneration or the prestige of being called a doctor.

Not all of us took the road of private practice. There are the unsung heroes who serve communities and the government because they know that their roles would make a difference and impact by serving the less fortunate and the needy.

It does not, however, mean that those of us in private practice, the academe or in research look at the practice of medicine in a different light. We create our own passion at addressing the wounds of healing. The academician labours at his/her dedication to teaching and creating better doctors for our future generation and the researcher engages in doing studies aimed at advancing medical science and information. Those in private practice create programs in hospitals and organizations for improving their specialties and health programs in the community.

We are ALL Health Warriors. Every patient is not just a statistic or a case report. We feel the pain and misery of patients whose lives we care for. We are patients as well and we know what it’s like to be sick and what it’s like to face death as well.

Albert Einstein aptly puts it well when he said that we should “strive not to be a success but to be of value”.

And touching other people’s lives through healing and serving with love and dedication with passion like the third construction worker in the parable is the key to healing all wounds.

Healing our wounds will always be our source of joy.

A life well spent

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There are days that are just difficult to get by. Period.

We can’t have a positive life with a negative attitude. Think positive and sound becomes music, action becomes dance, and life becomes an art.

LIFE is like a flute. It may have many holes and emptiness inside, but if we work on it carefully, it can provide magical melodies as gateway to happiness.

When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to it. That’s where your power is.

Be happy! Enjoy life everyday. Find reason to simply imbibe that feeling that even on our worst days, life is beautiful.

Strong is all you can be

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“Life’s not fair.”

It’s a usual shoutout we give when we’ve been used, abused, betrayed or face tragedy.

We can react in two ways – lose hope and fall into self-destructive habits or use the challenge to find our inner strength.

It’s important to remember that we can never let fear decide our fate. Doing that allows the oppressor to bully you. Let go if you must. Forgive when you can. Forget, no matter how difficult it is, because it’s the real act of forgiveness to whoever has hurt you and yourself.

We’ve all read, felt, and shared stories of resilience on social media and among TV, movie and reality shows. The inspiring stories of our fellowmen’s resilience at the lowest points of their lives and the opportunities given to them by kind hearted people show us that there is kindness and love and hope in a world that’s strangely evolving into so much cynicism. After all, most of the characters have less in life than many of us.

The ultimate challenge today is to share more of the paradigm on strength and resilience rather than abuse and bullying. The rudeness enveloping much of society today is like a highly communicable viral infection that must be contained. And eradicated. While we are so passionate about curbing crime, we seem to shirk at the thought of combatting those who put people down.

I believe, that while we all have personal battles, I have always said, that there are those we need to walk away from because it’s a mountain that’s not for us to move. As for the ones we can, let’s move this.

Negative people

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So you didn’t get the promotion. Or someone broke your heart. Wait, let me guess, you didn’t pass the exam. Sh*t, no way…the holiday was cancelled because the government shut down the island! What? You totally smashed dad’s car?!?

They’re but a few conversations we have with people and friends. How we react to the situation is a reflection of the kind of people or friend we are. Which means, you’d rather be talking to someone who’d share positive vibes rather than someone who looks at the glass of water half empty.

So here’s my ten cents worth of thoughts on people and friends;

1. Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.

You know the saying that “misery loves company”? Well, that in a nutshell are what negative people are. They’re miserable blokes. Their mission in life is to destroy other people’s happiness. Their mantra is “if I can’t be happy, so can’t you”! During a situation, instead of offering a solution, they present more problems. Stay clear from them, because you’ll end up feeling anxious and depressed after a conversation with them.

The key to identifying this kind of scum is that they are backstabbers. Like vultures that just circle around a dying carcass, once you have your back turned, they’re ready to pounce on your meat.

2. The best revenge is just moving on and getting over it.

I get it. No one deserves to be treated unjustly. And standing (or sitting) there and watching your world fall apart because the evil king has destroyed your goals and dreams with lies and false accusations isn’t going to change your life. Let me say it and say it candidly. Don’t give someone the satisfaction of watching you suffer ! Ever! It’s the worst kind of humiliation.

Karma will find their way with injustice. Remember that. And even if in your lifetime it doesn’t, don’t worry…it will.

3. Get busy loving your life

Okay. So, life’s not fair. You get thrown a watermelon your way. In the back of your mind, you want to throw a hundred durians at your opponent. But is retaliation the solution at rudeness? If you love your life, learn to walk away at the battles that don’t need to get fought. Be busy loving your life that you have no time for hate, regret or fear.

4. Declutter your “friends” list on social media. It will be the best thing you can do to yourself today.

So you have 5,000+ followers on Facebook. Who gives a f*ck?! The people in your life and your social media platforms should be a source of reducing stress, and not causing more of it. It doesn’t matter if you have one or two “likes”. Social media has become a great source of negativity. “Unfriend” if you must, to stay happy. Remember, some people can’t function without negativity because bringing down others makes them feel better.

5. Rude is the rule with negative people.

When people are rude to you, they reveal who they are, not who you are. Obviously, it’s painful because you end up asking yourself WHY. Learn not to take everything personally. Walk away.

If you surround yourself with people who don’t suck the positivity out of you, you’d have a better life! Remember, you’re only going to be as good as the people you surround yourself with. Be brave enough to let go of those who keep weighing you down. They’re not worth the keep.

The sand

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The sand teaches one thing. . .

You can’t hold too many things in life no matter what you do.

Even if you decide who you want to stay with, the wind will always blow them away.

So learn to let go and cherish those who stay because like the sand, only those at the center of your palm and those who are true to you will remain as your treasures.

Someone at work asked me why I always have a “happy disposition” despite everything.

My reply, “it is up to you to see the beauty of everyday things”.

Hopeful

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Hope is not pretending that problems don’t exist. It is the hope that they won’t last forever. That hurts will be healed. And difficulties overcome. That we will be led out of the darkness. And into the sunshine.

Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.

In a world where despair proliferates and various health, emotional and financial conditions bring us to the brink of depression, being hopeful is the only thing we can lean on.

I understand when people tell me that they’re “hopeless”. My mom was in tears the other night, depressed with her condition of being unable to suddenly be independent as she used to be. I guess it’s natural that as we age, there are certain things we’re unable to do any longer. The once independent woman who was the pillar of strength in the family is now dependent on us for almost everything. I told her that she has her family who loves and cares for her. And that’s a good thing. Because she must have done something good in her younger years for everyone to pour out that love she so unselfishly gave.

Hope comes from an inner place. A place where we draw new strength because people care. Because we are loved, we have second chances even at our worst days.

At times, we refuse to be too emotional or attached because any loss would be devastating. Yet our journeys are not about life not well spent. It’s about a life well lived. About how well we have treated the people on our way up and the same people we meet on our way down.

There is strength and resilience in hope. And happiness at the end of the tunnel.