Month: April 2018

Contentment

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Change doesn’t come from comfort.

It’s an important reminder that “if it doesn’t open, it’s not your door”.

So here’s a few tips on being content:

1. Stop complaining

As Teddy Roosevelt aptly puts it, “complaining about a problem without offering a solution is called whining”. And there are those that are just good at complaining. They’re never happy unless they see others in a miserable state.

2. Be thankful

The secret to having it all is knowing you already do. A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles. Be grateful when things are going our way. Be graceful when they’re not. Life isn’t all a bed of roses. There are thorns to help you appreciate the beauty of life.

3. Change your perspective

Happiness lies in perspective. As Henry Thoreau aptly puts it “the question is not what you look at but what you see.” Remember, no one ever injured their eyesight by looking on the bright side.

4. Don’t compare

Not everyone gets an equal shake and share in their lives. Always keep in mind that you need to be busy enough not to look at how green the grass of your neighbors are. Louise Bourgeois once said that “you must accept the fact that others don’t see what you do.”

5. Put people before things

Although having material things matter to us, a lot of it will not last long. People matter – no matter what their status in life are. Letting them down because you choose material things over their immediate concerns is disconcerting.

6. Do away with wish lists

We all have a bucket list. Things we want to have. Places we want to go to. Love we wish we have. It’s not a bad thought. There are a million things we want before we die. But here’s the take. We need to create memories that last a lifetime. Make an impression on the world. Dreaming of unrealistic goals speaks of discontent. Love what you have. Focus on today. Make your expectations realistic. Savor the little things. Unclutter your life.

Socrates tells us “he who is not content with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”

Simply living or living simply

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We either live simply or simply live.

Simply living for the sake of surviving has no true goal except existence. Simply living is a survival mode for those of us who go through stressful lives worrying about tomorrow yet being stuck living in the past. In order to live a life with minimal anxiety, we need to live simply. And here are 10 tips on living a simple life:

1. Prioritize

If you had one thing that’s most important to you, what would it be?

2. Eliminate toxic people from your life

Parasites and vultures are not the kind of people you want to surround yourself with. They take advantage of you and are there only during the times when you’re at the peak of your career. When you’re at your lowest, you’re carcass to them.

3. Give yourself a day

We all need a break. No matter how life treats you, there’s got to be a time for yourself – me time. Take that time to recharge, rethink and rebuild your strength.

4. Make a budget and pay off a debt

Don’t bury yourself in “wants”. Pay in cash when you need to. Drowning yourself in debt leads to more anxiousness. Think about your future because the one who plans well during the summer of our lives, reaps best during the cold winter season.

5. Reduce hypotheticals

Avoid overthinking the “what if’s” of our lives. There’s a lot to earn and learn in life. Take it in stride. One day at a time. Waiting for bad things to happen will just drive us crazy thinking of things that may never occur.

6. Make home your sanctuary

Don’t bring work home. Home is a special place to rest our weary bodies and mind. It’s called home for the very reason that it is our happy place. Keep it that way.

7. Say no more often

There are those that just live for the sake of rumor mongering. The less said, the less mistakes. There’s no use arguing when someone has made up his/her mind. When we need to provide an opinion, try to choose the right words as often as possible. That way, you’re able to drive the message across without hurting others in the process. Before saying anything, pause if you must.

8. Value your time and others

Avoid making too many appointments. Respecting the time of others is not only a professional act but respect as well. We complain so much when we’re kept waiting forever. But with ditch the same practice ourselves. Valuing others time is a reciprocal respect.

9. Watch less TV

Yes. Those telenovelas have no purpose in life. Schedule your time being glued to the screen. Imagine if you watched 3hrs of TV a day, 7 days a week, that would be 84 hours a month. Tantamount to wasting more than 3 days a month or 36 days a year for what?!?! You could have done so much more with your life in 36 days! Imagine if you’ve routinely done this for the last 25 years! That’s 900 days or almost 2 1/2 years of life wasted staring at a box!

10. Get a physical activity going or a hobby

Boredom is deadly. An idle mind is the devil’s playground. We need to do something worthwhile with our lives. Staying physically fit allows us healthier living. As they say, health is wealth. And we spend less time (and money) with the doctor, if we only made a habit of staying healthy rather than just being alive.

Envy

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…is similar to jealousy…discontent to others traits, status, abilities or rewards. The difference is the envious also desire the entity and covet it.

Today’s social platform media has not only become a main source of information but sharing material possessions and desires as well.

It’s not wrong to “post” current status but the intent is sometimes misconstrued. Even when the internet was not yet around, envy was already part of human emotions.

You buy a new Toyota Vios and your neighbor suddenly pulls up with a Porsche Cayenne. Or when your classmate comes to school with a new iPhone X but you have an Oppo smartphone.

The most susceptible are the younger ones today. Gullible, frustrated, and despondent over what others have and what they desire over, serve as a trigger for envy. But this is true for a majority of us. We “follow” personalities and friends to get a peek into their lifestyles. And while there’s nothing wrong with that, it becomes a little weird when subconsciously, the “fan” turns into an envious state.

Many psychologists say that the power of envy has become stronger because of social media. Advertisement has become the fuel that ignites the promotion of “wants” rather than needs.

When you already have a laptop, why would you need another one? Is it because your best friend Susie has MacBooks and you WANT one, or is it because you NEED a new one because the specs of your old laptop is too low?

Envy takes up an empty personal space in our lives. It breeds a burning desire of wanting what the other has, but not in a good way. Often times it becomes a painful obsession that burns deep. The subconscious takes over and it feels like a thwarted sense of rationalisation that “if I can’t have it then so can’t you” attitude. Envy misplaces our priorities in life.

Being content with what we have is an attitude we can all learn.

Theodore Roosevelt once said that

Comparison is the thief of Joy.

The Oprahs of our Lives

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Born in an isolated farm in Kosciusko, Mississippi in 1954, this iconic woman had a difficult childhood. The story of her life is an inspiration of resilience and strength.

Born to unmarried parents, she was shuffled to a ghetto in Milwaukee at 6 years old and then lived with her father in Nashville at 12. The poor, urban lifestyle exposed her to repeated sexual abuse by men that others in her family trusted.

Today, Oprah, in spite of her difficult childhood is one of the wealthiest women in the US and the highest paid entertainer worldwide. But her story is not about just working her way to the top. Along the climb, this woman is substance has reached out to countless nameless people who needed help. Her generous contributions to charitable institutions and organizations has endeared her to people and has served as an icon for hope in spite of life’s challenges.

Philanthropy is not everyone’s cup of tea. And while there are philanthropists in our midst, not everyone starts from rock bottom and has had changing moments in their lives. Those changing moments provide one the true impetus and opportunity to extend help to our fellow men when we can. While helping our neighbors is not an obligatory act, the act of sharing the largesse for the greater good is a defining moment when we extend help to those in need (in any little way we can). After all, it’s been said that “to whom more is given, more is expected”.

Charity does not have to be announced with all pomp and fanfare. The daily kindness we share in our own little way to people who need that helping hand goes a long way.

We don’t have to be AN Oprah in life in order to make things happen. In order to make this world a better and inspiring place. We can all be LIKE Oprah in this world. Helping people who fight their battles on what is right, just, and true – in our small ways.

One day at a time. One step at a time. One moment at a time. Together, we can all make those small differences a large matter. Because this is who we are. People who are strong in spite of the odds.

Fear

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What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

Fear is something everyone can relate to. A feeling so ingrained in us that we lose ourselves because of fear.

It all begins and ends in our mind and what we give power to has power over us if we allow it.

There are many reasons why we are afraid.

1. We’re afraid to fail.

Failing and failure are two different events. Failing is when things don’t go our way. Failure is when we don’t try at all to succeed. If we don’t try then we won’t succeed.

2. Worry what others think

Who cares what other people think? In this day and age where social media platforms abound, many of us look for acceptance and affirmation of our actions based on “likes” or “shares”. Falling short of a positive feedback is being unkind to oneself.

3. Being stuck in the past

We all have skeletons in our closet. People who hurt us. Unpleasant experiences. Opportunities that didn’t prosper. If we allow ourselves to be stuck in the past, we’re being unfair to ourselves. There is no direction in our lives if we keep referring to the past.

4. Afraid of what’s ahead

My mom who is now turning 81 told me that at her age, her greatest fear is death. Her mind lurks in the endless thought of what could possibly still go wrong ahead. Repetitively, a scenario of doom and distress. I remind her that fear does not stop death. It stops life.

5. Fear of the unknown

There is no such thing as a crystal ball in our lives.

A favorite author of mine Thich Nhat Hanh says “people have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

6. Fear of Joy

Miracles begin to happen when we give as much energy to our dreams as our fears. Life is a rollercoaster ride – we can scream out of fear of enjoy the ride. But when we learn to love, fear becomes a stranger.

When you feel fear creeping up during your times of joy, remember all things you are grateful for in your life, and allow yourself to feel the joy.

Silence

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“Silence does not mean that a person quits. It simply means that one doesn’t want to argue with people who just don’t want to understand.”

I don’t know how many have heard of the Simon and Garfunkel song “The Sound of Silence”. It’s lyrics start off with:

Hello darkness, my old friend

I’ve come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left it’s seed while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence.

The lyrics of the whole song are disturbing and yet relevant at the same time. It’s about the inability of people to communicate emotionally. Written by Paul Simon almost the same time as the assassination of JFK in 1964, the song was a dismal failure in the initial debut, which became a hit after the second and third versions were released.

Silence is a haunting and eerie emotion because one cannot understand its meaning. Similar to the music of Simon and Garfunkel, silence is a confusing state.

Silence is at times attributed to weakness. There are those who prefer to stay silent in order to avoid problems. But their silence should be taken with apprehension because it’s the shallow water that plans big moves. Remember, the noisy ones are always predictable.

“…my silence means I have adapted to the changes in my life and I don’t want to complain. My silence means I’m on a self-healing process and I’m trying to forget everything that has hurt me. My silence means I am just trying to move on gracefully with all my dignity…”

The parable of the hollow blocks

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There were three workers in a construction site who were busy putting up hollow blocks in the middle of a hot sunny day. The foreman passed by and noticed that they were working at different paces. While they were all placing the blocks one on top of another, their energy levels differed.

The first worker was slowly putting one block on top of another at a slow pace and grumpily cursed as he went along his chores. The second worker worked slightly a bit faster and was doing it quietly, while the third worker was placing the blocks at an amazingly timely motion and was humming a tune the whole time he was working.

The foreman asked the first worker why he was working at that pace and sans energy. He replied, “because I have to work on a hot humid day”. When the second worker was asked why he was working at that pace, but slightly faster than the first worker, he replied, “because I need to finish my work early and earn my pay.” When the third worker was asked where he gets the impetus to work harder with a happy disposition, he replied, “because I am working to finish building a school which many children can use when it is finished early”.

There are many versions to this story, with the kind of building (a church, home, or hospital) being built in the end, depending on the story teller.

Today’s blog post is inspired by Fr. James McTavish during his talk at the recently concluded Philippine Pediatric Society’s Annual Convention held at the PICC. Fr James talked on the topic “Wounded Healers”.

As a people, we are wounded in various ways. From relationships to the workplace or school, we’re broken in some form.

I’m taking the cue from Fr. James (who happens to be a pediatric plastic surgeon) on the healthcare professionals to share my thoughts on being wounded healers.

Taking care of patients in general is not an easy task. There’s the patient and his/her family we need to understand. People think that as doctors we are infallible. I’d like to believe that we all remember why we became healers in the first place. While a few of us (like me) took this road out of serendipity, we are all bound by a Hippocratic Oath of first doing NO HARM.

Most of us in the profession take the higher moral ground of being true healers rather than doing this because of the financial remuneration or the prestige of being called a doctor.

Not all of us took the road of private practice. There are the unsung heroes who serve communities and the government because they know that their roles would make a difference and impact by serving the less fortunate and the needy.

It does not, however, mean that those of us in private practice, the academe or in research look at the practice of medicine in a different light. We create our own passion at addressing the wounds of healing. The academician labours at his/her dedication to teaching and creating better doctors for our future generation and the researcher engages in doing studies aimed at advancing medical science and information. Those in private practice create programs in hospitals and organizations for improving their specialties and health programs in the community.

We are ALL Health Warriors. Every patient is not just a statistic or a case report. We feel the pain and misery of patients whose lives we care for. We are patients as well and we know what it’s like to be sick and what it’s like to face death as well.

Albert Einstein aptly puts it well when he said that we should “strive not to be a success but to be of value”.

And touching other people’s lives through healing and serving with love and dedication with passion like the third construction worker in the parable is the key to healing all wounds.

Healing our wounds will always be our source of joy.

A life well spent

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There are days that are just difficult to get by. Period.

We can’t have a positive life with a negative attitude. Think positive and sound becomes music, action becomes dance, and life becomes an art.

LIFE is like a flute. It may have many holes and emptiness inside, but if we work on it carefully, it can provide magical melodies as gateway to happiness.

When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to it. That’s where your power is.

Be happy! Enjoy life everyday. Find reason to simply imbibe that feeling that even on our worst days, life is beautiful.

Lies

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A lie will always be a lie.

Anything done after a lie will never be the same again. You look at the other person differently.

When someone lies to you, it’s because they don’t respect you enough to be honest. They think you’re stupid. And I find it insulting when the lie is justified as “truth”.

It’s sad how some people believe their own lies and the stories they make up in their heads.

If you don’t correct the people who lie to you, when they upset you, they will never treat you right. What we allow is what will continue.

Whether the lie is from a relationship or work in nature, a lie is a form of deception. Of betrayal.

They say that time discovers truth.

I say, “never try to f*ck up someone’s life with a lie when yours can be destroyed with the truth”.

Strong is all you can be

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“Life’s not fair.”

It’s a usual shoutout we give when we’ve been used, abused, betrayed or face tragedy.

We can react in two ways – lose hope and fall into self-destructive habits or use the challenge to find our inner strength.

It’s important to remember that we can never let fear decide our fate. Doing that allows the oppressor to bully you. Let go if you must. Forgive when you can. Forget, no matter how difficult it is, because it’s the real act of forgiveness to whoever has hurt you and yourself.

We’ve all read, felt, and shared stories of resilience on social media and among TV, movie and reality shows. The inspiring stories of our fellowmen’s resilience at the lowest points of their lives and the opportunities given to them by kind hearted people show us that there is kindness and love and hope in a world that’s strangely evolving into so much cynicism. After all, most of the characters have less in life than many of us.

The ultimate challenge today is to share more of the paradigm on strength and resilience rather than abuse and bullying. The rudeness enveloping much of society today is like a highly communicable viral infection that must be contained. And eradicated. While we are so passionate about curbing crime, we seem to shirk at the thought of combatting those who put people down.

I believe, that while we all have personal battles, I have always said, that there are those we need to walk away from because it’s a mountain that’s not for us to move. As for the ones we can, let’s move this.