Relative Joy

While my almost 88 year old disabled mom can still travel, I try to make this annual getaway something our family can do together. And while it gets to be more expensive making arrangements for a trip, I’ve always believed that these moments are priceless. Someday, when we look back, we can hopefully say that it was all worth it.

Unlike the previous years where we follow the crowd during the long Holy Week break, we left earlier this year. Hoping to get a glimpse of the Sakura, we were able to catch only a few snippets as the flowers at the end of the full bloom.

Paradoxical to the Cherry Blossom is life. It begins as buds from the winter and blooms for just two weeks. After that time, all flowers wither and are replaced by leaves. In the tree above our family photo, you will see a mix of leaves and some sakura flowers remaining. Beauty and joyful occasion being replaced by reality.

The day after our visit to Ueno Park, I received news from home that my 14 year old Shitzu, Silver had passed on. It was difficult to watch his last moments on CCTV. The pain that engulfed me was overwhelming. He was a friend and companion. The thing with losing fur friends is that they have no expectations from us. When I get home, he just waits there, hoping to catch me at a good time to take him for a stroll around the block, rub his tummy or spend a few minutes in silence with him, just appreciating his presence.

The paradox of joy and pain was visibly palpable in this trip.

Silver passed on, on Palm Sunday.

It is difficult to mix Joy amidst the Pain I am feeling today. I watched him pass away without me beside him. I needed to make arrangements for his cremation without me beside him. That pain of loss will remain ingrained in my memory.

Joy and Pain. The reality – the paradox of life.