Author: kidatheart

Life truths

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Lifehack has a short list on hard truths which we wish we knew early on in life.

When we were young, we all wished we were adults sooner than we thought. Responsibilities. Freedom. Making money. Financially stable. Professionally made.

As adults, at times we wish we were kids again. Carefree. Dependent. Cared for. Few life stressors.

I’m sharing with you Lifehack’s 8 hard truths about life (and my personal take on these) which we wish we knew earlier:

1. Everyone you love is going to die

Sadly, no one lives forever. And while death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. So here’s to living and loving one day at a time.

2. We give our lives meaning. If you feel that your life is meaningless, that’s your fault.

Only we have the power to chart our directions in life. Only we can allow people to hurt us or violate our rights. If you allow this, you deserve what you dish out. Stop blaming others.

3. The perfect partner doesn’t exist.

We’re all idealistic. Who doesn’t want a whirlwind romantic relationship? But searching in the wrong ocean may be what you’re doing. Ideal relations are wonderful goals. Be realistic. Building a fantastic relationship takes two to tango.

4. Life is a game. Find the games you want to play, learn the rules, and find a way to be successful at the game you selected.

Or tap out if you can’t hack it.

Sorry kids. The truth is out. Life is a game. A game of chance. Sadly, the fact is, some of us don’t realise that we either sink or swim in the game called life. Like any game, there will always be cheaters. And the latter may win a game. It’s up to you if you allow it, the next round.

5. Everything ends. Youth, love, life. All will end. That’s what makes them valuable.

Cherish them while you can. Make the most out of them while you still can. Look for happiness. Martyrdom is a thing of the past. Live to love and love to be happy. We only live once. And die once as well.

6. Be romantic about the little things.

It’s more memorable that way. Attachment may be something we try to shun away from so that we don’t hurt when it’s time to say goodbyes. But memories of good times put a smile on our faces. It’s not about the hurt that we need to focus on. It’s about why fairytale “aha” moments that are remembered most.

7. Be a realist about the big things. Life isn’t a movie. You need to have a plan. Have an artist’s ambition but an engineer’s mindset.

Have you ever tried to walk away from what doesn’t fit you or doesn’t feel right and feel good after walking away? Sure you’ll be poor for awhile but hey, that’s reality. Life will never give you rainbows everyday. There will be rollercoaster rides. That’s why you need to have a plan. And if you keep getting stuck at Plan A, well tough luck. That’s probably where you’ll still be 10 years from today. Reality bites. But it is what it is.

8. Figure out a way or don’t complain

Starting all over again is not bad. It’s actually what successful people do. “Your last mistake will be your best teacher.” And that’s a fact. Life will always offer you a million chances to make you happier and a better person. Don’t regret the opportunities for change. Walk away if you must but don’t complain at where you get stuck.

Sad lunches

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If there is one pet peeve I have at work, it’s having lunch at your work desk. It’s called sad lunches.

One study showed that almost 70% have lunches at their work table. It’s called the #saddest lunch bunch. If you’re reading this and feel being alluded to, then let me elaborate more.

Lunch breaks are the longest breaks we get at work. That break should be enjoyed away from work. Studies show that non-lunch desk people are less stressed and more productive. The practice of NO LUNCH breaks in government offices, while appealing to the public, is actually “insulting” to the working class.

The argument that in the Philippines, government employees are paid by taxpayers money, hence should have lunches at their desks, is a discrimination to the lower working class. Their bosses after all are paid by taxpayers money as well. So why are the latter having better lunches than the rest?

Also, it’s not just about saving money, that’s why we prefer to eat at our desks, bringing either left over food or cold packed lunches. Meal time should be an enjoyable one. Not something we just want to get over with to address the hunger pangs and go back to work immediately. After all, we work to create a life, not just to pay bills and buy stuff, rather, to enjoy the fruits of our labor.

I guarantee you, that when we learn to have less sad lunches, we will have better dispositions in our lives.

Pistantrophobia and trust issues

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Don’t trust everything you see or hear, remember, even salt looks like sugar.

Trust is the most fragile feeling that makes or breaks a relationship. Whether it’s work-related or has something to do with love, trust is the intricate bond that keeps relationships together.

I’m not the kind of person that trusts easily. I usually have trust issues. It’s usually a need and want thing. You know my drift – when people want something from you, that’s the time they see a need for you. That’s right. It’s called the want and need theory. Look at the politicians. Every election time, they promise heaven and hell. Damn, some even promise to lead you to the promise land. But after you’ve voted them into office, they’re such a f*cking mess! Especially if they’re unable to deliver what they promised at the time of the campaign. (2019 is around the corner so this issue is ripe for the picking.)

When people constantly lie, we eventually develop pistantrophobia – the fear of trusting someone. It’s a knee jerk reaction to being hurt over and over.

So when I give you my unconditional trust, it means a lot. It takes a lot of truth to gain trust, but just one lie to lose it. And things don’t end up the same. Ever. You don’t look at people the same way again.

People say that lying is part of life. Part of survival mode in a dog-eat-dog world. I tell these people that this kind of thinking is hogwash. It’s a pathetic excuse by people who survive only through lies and fantasies.

“One of the worst feelings in the world is having to doubt something you thought was unquestionable.”

No need to apologise

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We don’t need to apologize for everything that happens. Oftentimes we end up being too apologetic for moments that we shouldn’t even be sorry for.

Saying no, for example, may be taken offensive by someone who demands a “yes” as a reply. Because we’re afraid to offend a friend or an employee, we give in to a “request” even if we mean saying NO rather bending rules and policies and principles in order to “please” people.

Here are some moments where apologies are not needed:

1. Loving someone

2. Saying no

3. Following your dream

4. Taking time out for yourself and your family

5. Prioritising

6. Ending a toxic relationship

7. Your imperfections

8. Standing your ground

9. Telling the truth

10. Exercising appropriate etiquette at all times

I like number 9 most of all. As Plato puts it, “no one is more hated than he who speaks the truth.”

Contentment

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Change doesn’t come from comfort.

It’s an important reminder that “if it doesn’t open, it’s not your door”.

So here’s a few tips on being content:

1. Stop complaining

As Teddy Roosevelt aptly puts it, “complaining about a problem without offering a solution is called whining”. And there are those that are just good at complaining. They’re never happy unless they see others in a miserable state.

2. Be thankful

The secret to having it all is knowing you already do. A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles. Be grateful when things are going our way. Be graceful when they’re not. Life isn’t all a bed of roses. There are thorns to help you appreciate the beauty of life.

3. Change your perspective

Happiness lies in perspective. As Henry Thoreau aptly puts it “the question is not what you look at but what you see.” Remember, no one ever injured their eyesight by looking on the bright side.

4. Don’t compare

Not everyone gets an equal shake and share in their lives. Always keep in mind that you need to be busy enough not to look at how green the grass of your neighbors are. Louise Bourgeois once said that “you must accept the fact that others don’t see what you do.”

5. Put people before things

Although having material things matter to us, a lot of it will not last long. People matter – no matter what their status in life are. Letting them down because you choose material things over their immediate concerns is disconcerting.

6. Do away with wish lists

We all have a bucket list. Things we want to have. Places we want to go to. Love we wish we have. It’s not a bad thought. There are a million things we want before we die. But here’s the take. We need to create memories that last a lifetime. Make an impression on the world. Dreaming of unrealistic goals speaks of discontent. Love what you have. Focus on today. Make your expectations realistic. Savor the little things. Unclutter your life.

Socrates tells us “he who is not content with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”

Simply living or living simply

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We either live simply or simply live.

Simply living for the sake of surviving has no true goal except existence. Simply living is a survival mode for those of us who go through stressful lives worrying about tomorrow yet being stuck living in the past. In order to live a life with minimal anxiety, we need to live simply. And here are 10 tips on living a simple life:

1. Prioritize

If you had one thing that’s most important to you, what would it be?

2. Eliminate toxic people from your life

Parasites and vultures are not the kind of people you want to surround yourself with. They take advantage of you and are there only during the times when you’re at the peak of your career. When you’re at your lowest, you’re carcass to them.

3. Give yourself a day

We all need a break. No matter how life treats you, there’s got to be a time for yourself – me time. Take that time to recharge, rethink and rebuild your strength.

4. Make a budget and pay off a debt

Don’t bury yourself in “wants”. Pay in cash when you need to. Drowning yourself in debt leads to more anxiousness. Think about your future because the one who plans well during the summer of our lives, reaps best during the cold winter season.

5. Reduce hypotheticals

Avoid overthinking the “what if’s” of our lives. There’s a lot to earn and learn in life. Take it in stride. One day at a time. Waiting for bad things to happen will just drive us crazy thinking of things that may never occur.

6. Make home your sanctuary

Don’t bring work home. Home is a special place to rest our weary bodies and mind. It’s called home for the very reason that it is our happy place. Keep it that way.

7. Say no more often

There are those that just live for the sake of rumor mongering. The less said, the less mistakes. There’s no use arguing when someone has made up his/her mind. When we need to provide an opinion, try to choose the right words as often as possible. That way, you’re able to drive the message across without hurting others in the process. Before saying anything, pause if you must.

8. Value your time and others

Avoid making too many appointments. Respecting the time of others is not only a professional act but respect as well. We complain so much when we’re kept waiting forever. But with ditch the same practice ourselves. Valuing others time is a reciprocal respect.

9. Watch less TV

Yes. Those telenovelas have no purpose in life. Schedule your time being glued to the screen. Imagine if you watched 3hrs of TV a day, 7 days a week, that would be 84 hours a month. Tantamount to wasting more than 3 days a month or 36 days a year for what?!?! You could have done so much more with your life in 36 days! Imagine if you’ve routinely done this for the last 25 years! That’s 900 days or almost 2 1/2 years of life wasted staring at a box!

10. Get a physical activity going or a hobby

Boredom is deadly. An idle mind is the devil’s playground. We need to do something worthwhile with our lives. Staying physically fit allows us healthier living. As they say, health is wealth. And we spend less time (and money) with the doctor, if we only made a habit of staying healthy rather than just being alive.

Envy

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…is similar to jealousy…discontent to others traits, status, abilities or rewards. The difference is the envious also desire the entity and covet it.

Today’s social platform media has not only become a main source of information but sharing material possessions and desires as well.

It’s not wrong to “post” current status but the intent is sometimes misconstrued. Even when the internet was not yet around, envy was already part of human emotions.

You buy a new Toyota Vios and your neighbor suddenly pulls up with a Porsche Cayenne. Or when your classmate comes to school with a new iPhone X but you have an Oppo smartphone.

The most susceptible are the younger ones today. Gullible, frustrated, and despondent over what others have and what they desire over, serve as a trigger for envy. But this is true for a majority of us. We “follow” personalities and friends to get a peek into their lifestyles. And while there’s nothing wrong with that, it becomes a little weird when subconsciously, the “fan” turns into an envious state.

Many psychologists say that the power of envy has become stronger because of social media. Advertisement has become the fuel that ignites the promotion of “wants” rather than needs.

When you already have a laptop, why would you need another one? Is it because your best friend Susie has MacBooks and you WANT one, or is it because you NEED a new one because the specs of your old laptop is too low?

Envy takes up an empty personal space in our lives. It breeds a burning desire of wanting what the other has, but not in a good way. Often times it becomes a painful obsession that burns deep. The subconscious takes over and it feels like a thwarted sense of rationalisation that “if I can’t have it then so can’t you” attitude. Envy misplaces our priorities in life.

Being content with what we have is an attitude we can all learn.

Theodore Roosevelt once said that

Comparison is the thief of Joy.

The Oprahs of our Lives

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Born in an isolated farm in Kosciusko, Mississippi in 1954, this iconic woman had a difficult childhood. The story of her life is an inspiration of resilience and strength.

Born to unmarried parents, she was shuffled to a ghetto in Milwaukee at 6 years old and then lived with her father in Nashville at 12. The poor, urban lifestyle exposed her to repeated sexual abuse by men that others in her family trusted.

Today, Oprah, in spite of her difficult childhood is one of the wealthiest women in the US and the highest paid entertainer worldwide. But her story is not about just working her way to the top. Along the climb, this woman is substance has reached out to countless nameless people who needed help. Her generous contributions to charitable institutions and organizations has endeared her to people and has served as an icon for hope in spite of life’s challenges.

Philanthropy is not everyone’s cup of tea. And while there are philanthropists in our midst, not everyone starts from rock bottom and has had changing moments in their lives. Those changing moments provide one the true impetus and opportunity to extend help to our fellow men when we can. While helping our neighbors is not an obligatory act, the act of sharing the largesse for the greater good is a defining moment when we extend help to those in need (in any little way we can). After all, it’s been said that “to whom more is given, more is expected”.

Charity does not have to be announced with all pomp and fanfare. The daily kindness we share in our own little way to people who need that helping hand goes a long way.

We don’t have to be AN Oprah in life in order to make things happen. In order to make this world a better and inspiring place. We can all be LIKE Oprah in this world. Helping people who fight their battles on what is right, just, and true – in our small ways.

One day at a time. One step at a time. One moment at a time. Together, we can all make those small differences a large matter. Because this is who we are. People who are strong in spite of the odds.

Fear

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What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

Fear is something everyone can relate to. A feeling so ingrained in us that we lose ourselves because of fear.

It all begins and ends in our mind and what we give power to has power over us if we allow it.

There are many reasons why we are afraid.

1. We’re afraid to fail.

Failing and failure are two different events. Failing is when things don’t go our way. Failure is when we don’t try at all to succeed. If we don’t try then we won’t succeed.

2. Worry what others think

Who cares what other people think? In this day and age where social media platforms abound, many of us look for acceptance and affirmation of our actions based on “likes” or “shares”. Falling short of a positive feedback is being unkind to oneself.

3. Being stuck in the past

We all have skeletons in our closet. People who hurt us. Unpleasant experiences. Opportunities that didn’t prosper. If we allow ourselves to be stuck in the past, we’re being unfair to ourselves. There is no direction in our lives if we keep referring to the past.

4. Afraid of what’s ahead

My mom who is now turning 81 told me that at her age, her greatest fear is death. Her mind lurks in the endless thought of what could possibly still go wrong ahead. Repetitively, a scenario of doom and distress. I remind her that fear does not stop death. It stops life.

5. Fear of the unknown

There is no such thing as a crystal ball in our lives.

A favorite author of mine Thich Nhat Hanh says “people have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

6. Fear of Joy

Miracles begin to happen when we give as much energy to our dreams as our fears. Life is a rollercoaster ride – we can scream out of fear of enjoy the ride. But when we learn to love, fear becomes a stranger.

When you feel fear creeping up during your times of joy, remember all things you are grateful for in your life, and allow yourself to feel the joy.

Silence

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“Silence does not mean that a person quits. It simply means that one doesn’t want to argue with people who just don’t want to understand.”

I don’t know how many have heard of the Simon and Garfunkel song “The Sound of Silence”. It’s lyrics start off with:

Hello darkness, my old friend

I’ve come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left it’s seed while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence.

The lyrics of the whole song are disturbing and yet relevant at the same time. It’s about the inability of people to communicate emotionally. Written by Paul Simon almost the same time as the assassination of JFK in 1964, the song was a dismal failure in the initial debut, which became a hit after the second and third versions were released.

Silence is a haunting and eerie emotion because one cannot understand its meaning. Similar to the music of Simon and Garfunkel, silence is a confusing state.

Silence is at times attributed to weakness. There are those who prefer to stay silent in order to avoid problems. But their silence should be taken with apprehension because it’s the shallow water that plans big moves. Remember, the noisy ones are always predictable.

“…my silence means I have adapted to the changes in my life and I don’t want to complain. My silence means I’m on a self-healing process and I’m trying to forget everything that has hurt me. My silence means I am just trying to move on gracefully with all my dignity…”