The nurse

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

With the patient struggling to talk from behind the mask, he mumbles, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed the student nurse retorts, “I don’t know. I’m just here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, can you check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that the patient’s blood pressure and heart rate may be elevated from worrying over his testicles, the student nurse overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis with one hand and his testicles in the other.

She looks very closely and after some gentle manipulation around the area says, “there’s nothing wrong with them sir! They look fine.”

The man struggles up, pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and very slowly says, “thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now. Listen very very carefully. ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK ?

The Martian

A young couple, John and Jane, were awakened one night because of a strange sound coming from the back of their farmhouse. They were surprised at the strange spacecraft and figured that the two strangers that stepped out of the spacecraft were from another planet. True enough they were from Mars.

After welcoming the Martians into their home, they talk about all sorts of things including the stock market, computers, what they eat, etc. Finally, Jane brings up the subject of sex.

Jane: So how do you guys to it?

Male Martian (MM): Pretty much the way you Earthlings do.

The discussion ensues and finally the couples agree to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Jane and the male martian go off to a bedroom and the Martian strips. He’s only got a teeny, weeny member half an inch long and a quarter size thick.

Jane: I don’t think this is going to work.

MM: Why? What’s the matter?

Jane: Well it’s just not long enough to reach me.

MM: No problem.

And the male martian proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows in length until it is impressively long.

Jane: Well that’s quite impressive but it’s pretty narrow.

MM: No problem.

And the male martian proceeds to pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire member is extremely exciting to Jane.

Jane: Wow!

And they fell into bed and made passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and to separate ways. After the aliens left Earth, John and Jane have a conversation.

John: Well was it any good?

Jane: I hate to say it, but it was wonderful! Had the best sex of my life! How about you?

John: It was the worst sex I’ve ever had! All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears!