Wants vs. Needs – To lend or not to lend?

There’s an interesting read about friends (and relatives) who go around “borrowing” money for various reasons.  Anywhere from an actual necessity (and there’s some sympathy in that), to simply borrowing to fulfill their wants (like borrowing to buy a new iPhone).  Many friendships (and families) have been destroyed because of “borrowing” and “lending” money.

On Facebook, there was an amusing (and irritating at the same time) thread of two former classmates identified as “Fhem Garcia” who was attempting to borrow money from someone named “Mhay“.  The exchange of text messages on messenger went viral with Fhem not gaining a bit of sympathy from the readers in the end.  What started as a supposedly friendly message from Fhem initially, revealed her true intentions as to why she got in touch with Mhay.  Fhem was borrowing money from Mhay.  And Fhem was angry when Mhay did not want to lend her the amount Fhem wanted.  It ended with Fhem cursing Mhay and calling her names, just because, Mhay refused to lend Fhem money.

Which lead to this blog post.

Should you lend people money?

The answer is an obvious NO.

I’m sure that my readers will have a variety of opinions on this matter.

I just don’t like lending people money.  Period.

If and when I do lend money, I don’t expect to get paid back.  Anytime.  At all.

I’ve always believed that borrowing money from friends is abusing one’s friendship.  Especially when one is borrowing for WANT rather than for NEED.

The problem with people is that many are unable to discern the difference between NEED from WANT.  Need is essential for survival – food, shelter, health.  Death is inevitable if our needs are not meant. Want is something we desire, which we may or may not be able to obtain or attain.

When people borrow money because of something they WANT, it’s a no brainer not to lend them.

Borrowing for need on the other hand falls on a case to case basis.  People who borrow for need should exhaust everything – to the smallest possession they have – before they should even borrow money.  It’s infuriating that someone is borrowing money from you because they NEED to pay for hospital bills or buy medicines, but they just purchased a new car.  As a general rule:

Lend only money when the person borrowing from you has absolutely no material possession left to hock or sell AND the need for that borrowed amount is for the purpose of survival (or will result in a morbid outcome if the means are not met).

For some who are willing to part with their hard earned resources,

If you do decide to lend money, remember the cardinal rule – only lend out what you can. The amount you will lend out should be tantamount to NOT BEING ABLE TO GET IT BACK ANYMORE.  Don’t expect to get paid back any time soon.  Since you were charitable enough from the get go, think of it as a donation.

I have relatives who have “borrowed” money from me in the past.  As a “moral” obligation, I did lend them money. But not in the amount they wanted, but in the amount I could part with.  After all, it was alms to me.  I never saw the money back, even though they have passed on to the other side of the world.  But I have no regrets. Think of it as “for a good cause”.

Then there are those lowlife people who borrow money for WANTS.

I will apologise for looking down upon them. But there is one cardinal rule I have.

Never lend people money for wants.  You’ll end up depressed, angry, frustrated and a schizophrenic in no time at all.

I’ve always believed that WANTS are goals that we have in life.  We want to go on a vacation.  We want to own a new car.  We want to have a new house.  We want a condominium.  We want a diamond ring.  We want a Hermés belt. We want an iPhone XS.  We want a Prada bag.  What we want, we need to work for.  That’s why WANTS are bucket lists! We plan, we dream, we earn – for what we WANT!  If that want is not achieved, then it’s a dream.  But a want is a personal journey in our life.  What we want, does not mean we necessarily get!

If you don’t have money for what you want, you need to wait until you have before you even buy it.  It is regrettable that there are thick-faced people who borrow money for their wants and even doubly disappointing that they have the temerity to be angry when you remind (and eventually demand) them for payment.

The final cardinal rule is

I find it stupid that you lend people money for their wants.  If and when you do, don’t expect to get paid back.  He/she is probably enjoying your moolah in some paradise somewhere in lala land laughing at how pathetically stupid you were at lending him/her money for the massage he/she is getting.

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