happiness

Sorrow doesn’t live here anymore

kidatheartLeave a comment

Happy should.

For most days of our life, that should be our goal.

I’m not saying that we don’t have our crosses to bear. Everyone has problems. It’s not exclusive to a specific sex, race, financial status or religion. It’s encompassing. It’s complicated.

No matter who you are, remember, we all deserve a life we become excited about. A morning we look forward to. A life that’s filled with challenges and yet excitement. We need to surround ourselves with real people. True friends who will stand by us even in the worst of days. Friends who will tell us what we don’t want to hear because they actually care for you and not because they’re there to please you. Friends and family who spark our inner most desires at being the best we can be.

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

– Martin Luther King, Jr.

If we allow ourselves to be looked down upon or bullied around, then we only deserve what we get. And no one has that single authority over sorrow. If we allow it, we are complicit to it.

The month is almost done. And February is around the corner. Choose to be happy. Write a new chapter. Make sure sorrow doesn’t live there anymore.

Heaven in their eyes

kidatheartLeave a comment

Last Christmas I was mulling on giving something to my growing staff at the agency where I’m currently employed.

And yes, it’s a bit off writing this a month after Christmas. But Christmas isn’t just a holiday event that’s marked by a date on our yearly calendar wantonly being waited upon by people to remind them of an upcoming merry occasion that needed to be celebrated.

The meaning of Christmas lies in the heart of giving. We forget that the spirit of Christmas is best seen through the eyes of the recipient.

As in previous years, I donated the whole amount that I budgeted as a gift for my staff to a program that the Sacred Heart is Jesus Parish sustains. It’s called Sponsor a Child that provides the tuition fee for one year to a child in the community around us for a Montessori education.

These three kids are the recipients for the year on behalf of a donation made on behalf of the Center for Drug Regulation of the Food and Drug Administration.

The program still needs a lot of donors and each child’s program will cost only P3500 per child per year.

In our lifetime, I’m sure that people have provided us a lift in our lives chasing our dreams. That meant that some had to give up a couple of wants in order to provide our needs or pursue our dreams.

I hope that some of my readers get to share a little of what they have with those who have less in life through programs like these.

An atmosphere of being able to pay it forward is a gesture of perpetual kindness.

After all, heaven in their eyes is a tangible dream for the heart that’s willing to share.

Madness and that leap of faith

kidatheartLeave a comment

We all fall victim to circumstances beyond our control. The knee jerk response is always to complain. Ironically, most of us complain even for the most mundane.

Every situation has a corresponding response. Some may react appropriately, others not. Eckhart Tolle provides a food for thought on decision making during these circumstances.

Every situation is within our control. We just need to learn which ones we accept, change or walk away from. They are important decisions we make because we live with the consequences of these choices, whether we feel it is right or wrong.

A few tips to help when having to make that leap of faith:

Rule #1. Never make your life decisions based on advice from people who don’t have to deal with the results of your decision.

I get that. When people tell you to do something that you feel is off and yet these same people won’t have to be accountable to the results of a decision you alone are responsible for is a very bad choice.

Rule #2. Your desire to change must be greater than your desire to stay the same.

Accepting something wrong when it is not right is being an accomplice to the bad decision. When we make a choice to change, it is because we don’t like who or what or where or why we are.

Rule #3. Only you can decide if it’s ONE DAY or DAY ONE.

No one is perfect. And perfect isn’t what change is all about. Perfect is about making the right decisions in life and loving the journey. It is loving the sound of your feet walking towards that goal.

Why me?

kidatheartLeave a comment

When we were growing up as kids, my sister and I would always chant the phrase “why me? Why always me?” when we’d be tasked by our parents on who would sweep the floor, or wash the dishes, or make the table.

We were never financially well off. Sure my grandparents were rubbing elbows with the Chinese Chamber of Commerce. But we were poor.

I know how it felt to move from place to place with just a few clothes on our back. We had three meals a day but barely made bills reconcilable. We huddled in a one bedroom apartment when my father was asked to leave the house of my grandparents. My parents never complained about having to fend for me and my sister. We never grew up with all the spoils in life. Going to a private school was the only luxury my parents provided us. We were taught that whatever came our way should be considered a blessing.

You know how the kids of today complain so much about not having enough? That’s right. How many of our kids have no “gadget” at all or are “tamed down” when interacting with social media?

I always knew that my father had a dream. See us get a good education. Raise us decently. Build a dream house (even if it meant being flung to a no man’s area. A house is still a house). In spite of his illness, he had a goal.

When he got sick, I thought it was awful that the company he was working for retired him immediately. Back then, labourers rights weren’t as well protected as today. You know the drill. “Here’s some loose change. Sorry you had a stroke. This should tide you over. We’re sorry to let you go. Thank you for the services in the company.”

My sister then lost her husband to a ruptured cerebral aneurysm at a young age. She was a widow with a 3 month pregnancy along the way and a 1 year old girl to take care.

You know how it is when it looks like the whole world gave up on you? Yeah. That’s just part of my life growing up.

Those were the parts where you’d now likely ask yourself, WHY ME?

These moments of doubt, guilt and despair are not exclusive to a few. I’m sure most, if not all, of us have had these unforgettable challenges.

I am writing this for you to remind you that life is about facing our greatest challenges and staying optimistic in spite of these challenges. Build a goal. And stick to the goal. Some plans may not work out the way we want, but keep your eyes on the goal. We will end up based on our decisions in life. And remember to choose to be happy. My father was right. We need to see the good in everything.

Where you find healing, forgiveness, and love…

kidatheartLeave a comment

There’s so much anger, negative vibes and despair that’s being “shared”, “liked”, and “favorited” lately. It isn’t a healthy environment when social media becomes a fertile ground for political battles.

Tired of all the negative crap on social media, I decided to recently write about topics that can provide my friends and readers some Relative Joy.

I know that what I write isn’t as popular reading material in this day and age of “fake news”. But I’ve chosen to practice inner peace by writing to inspire. And hope that it gets passed on more than the pessimism around us.

My life is not a bed of roses. For those who personally know me, I have had my moments of disappointments, failures, frustrations, despair, and anger in life. Believe me when I say that it’s difficult to get inspiration during the worst days of your life.

Tired of fighting these angry moments, I felt that writing with the power to inspire and change the momentum of our lives was my highway to improving oneself.

I am engaging in a personal paradigm shift. Fighting the battles I need to fight. And learning the art of being kind, not only to my fellow men but to myself.

Drawing from a place of self construction than self destruction meant that I needed to admit to myself that in order to face my fears I had to appreciate truth and kindness in whatever situation, through healing and forgiveness.

Someone once said that the only way one can move on from all the hurt is to heal. To heal is to learn to forgive. To forgive those that have wronged you, including yourself. In the process of healing and forgiving, we learn to love ourselves and others as well.

Think of the highways of our lives as similar to driving.

You’ll just keep crashing if you don’t take your eyes off the rear view mirror.

The road to redemption can only achieved in that place where we find healing, forgiveness and love.

Silver linings

kidatheartLeave a comment

We’re all a bunch of idealists. Growing up, we’re filled with these dreams and aspirations for a perfect life.

But that’s not what life throws at us.

I’ve learned that what happens, happens. At first, I was disappointed that in spite of so much effort and goodness (or doing the right thing) some endeavours ended up unappreciated. In retrospect, whatever decisions were made was a good thing. It provided less responsibility and consequently less accountability and stress. It was the silver lining.

We all have these anxious moments. They are touch and go situations with unpredictable outcomes. It’s miserable if things happen not the way we expect or plan. And it’s an inappropriate reaction to not give a f*ck about the events in our lives. But things happen.

I will not venture on why things happen. But they do. And that’s the reality of life. We move on. The hurt will be there, but the world continues to revolve around the sun and the moon will still shine more brightly in the darkest nights.

Coming to terms with reality of life and death, with victories and defeat, with struggles and ease are not easy.

But life has its silver linings.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. aptly puts it

Only in darkness can you see the stars.

For my friends who have been with me during my darkest days, thank you for making me see the stars.

Walking away from the storms of our lives

kidatheartLeave a comment

Have you ever had those moments when you had to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea? Or when it rains, it really pours?

I’m sure we’ve all had a couple and believe me when I say that the most difficult crossroad is the decision of walking away from that storm with your sanity intact.

These storms serve as reminders on humility, justice, morality, or simply the belief in the goodness of humanity. God places them to serve as lighthouses of our journeys in life.

No matter how you look at it, even storms have a purpose. Not all storms are meant to destroy. They also demolish the demons in our lives and clear the path so that we can start fresh, or anew.

And while all beginnings are hard, the way forward after the storm is to walk head up. There is no use battling the storm. We all end up bruised, hurt, or dead.

Some battles are just not ours to fight.

Walk away.

Chasing choices

kidatheartLeave a comment

A universal paradox is “you’re free to choose but you’re not free from the consequences of your choice.”

Between work and family, there are days when it’s really difficult to do a balancing act with our lives. You know how you have those days where your boss suddenly out of nowhere calls for a meeting pronto, but it’s the same time as your daughter’s ballet recital or son’s basketball game – and you have the tug-of-war decision to either put food on the table or keep a promise to your children.

We’re living in different times that make choices in life a challenging one.

Whether it’s the food you eat (organic or fast food) or the friends we make or the company we keep or the places we explore…the choices are vast and ours to make.

The abundance of choices provides us the profound freedom to explore and to do what we want. And this freedom, while at times abused, provides us the happiness to revel in the choices and consequences of such choice.

Someone once said that there are three C’s in our lives that matter. Choice, chance and change.

“You must make the choice, to take the chance, if you want anything in life to change.”

Everyday is a new day that provides us an opportunity to reflect on the choices, the chances and yes, the changes we want in our lives.

And don’t feel bad about making decisions that may not be popular or even upset others. Remember: you’re not responsible for their happiness. Only your own.

Make the choice today.

In search for inner peace

kidatheartLeave a comment

Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.

Some days are pure joy. And then there are those that just stressful. But life’s like that. No one ever said that life is a bed of roses!

The Dalai Lama tells us not to let the behavior of others destroy our inner peace. Of course, it’s easier said than done. When you think that you’re just having a great day, someone or some incident comes along to break up the party.

But life’s like that! I’ve always said that the anatomy of disappointments are expectations. While it is good that we think positive and expect the best out of our efforts, there are just some circumstances that don’t make all things turn out the way we desire.

I’ve had some humbling moments. Moments when all along my wishes and dreams were a straight path, the outcomes don’t turn out the way I wanted.

But what we want planned doesn’t end up the way we want. Seriously, we end up where we are because at some crossroad in our life when we needed to make a choice we ended up making a decision and arriving at where we are. How we handle where we end up is how we face our inner fears or inner peace.

Inner peace is a difficult process to achieve. But not impossible. Every event can be taken as a glass half full or half empty. Finding a silver lining even in our worst days is the goal to achieving inner peace.

Remember – things happen for a purpose. That’s why I believe that even joy is relative.

What we give to the universe is what the universe gives back to us.

Be the reason someone believes in the good of people and inner peace will be good karma to all who believe.

Being kind or being right?

kidatheartLeave a comment

Mark Twain once said “kindness is the language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see”.

We’ve all had that moment when we decide on a matter that affects another person. It’s a difficult decision especially when it comes to work. Rules and regulations define what one needs to do. Or not do.

Often times things happen beyond our control. We can’t predict what happens in other people’s lives. An illness that debilitates a close family member, a family or someone who goes through difficult times, or worse, a death that leaves us devastated.

In the workplace, life goes on regardless of the circumstances. Upper management would always tell you to leave your problems at home. But how do you work well if issues at home hound your mind while you’re working?

In a relationship, at times we have difficulty sharing problems. Either others wouldn’t care or are looking out for themselves. It’s depressing to face your problems alone. After all, one is a lonely number.

Of course one can argue that people abuse kindness. But let’s keep it real and let karma pay back these low life creatures.

So here’s the rub. When is kindness more important than being right?

It’s a fair reminder that when people think that in the middle of their chaos, there was you to lean on, being kind will always be the right thing to do.

Kindness, after all, is an eight letter word that’s someone else’s Relative Joy.