reflection

It’s okay now, you can let go.

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When being okay is all you need to be.

One of the biggest decisions we make in life should be being okay.

Why else do we want to wake up each morning to stress, anger, disappointments and tolerance? Imagine the number of endorphins and enkephalins that provide so much sadness that lives in our lives.

Life has a way to teaching us how to deal with the cards in our journey. How we play with the hand that’s laid is up to us.

My take is brief and it’s summed up here:

I know which battles I will fight. Which ones I will lose. Which ones I want to win.

Our roads will always lead back to where we started. I’ve had my ups and downs. And the stories of my highs and lows are real.

To be okay, we need to let go.

It’s time to come home.

Life goes on.

And we don’t have to write our first chapter based on someone’s last.

Solace

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Where do you go when you need a piece of heaven?

I remember Dr Rosario Carretero, our residency training officer during my training days in pediatrics. Residency training during my time was very different from what you have today. (And that’s a different topic altogether as well). Stressful was an understatement to describe it.

Each day was more difficult to bear. Teaching the younger ones, seeing both charity and private patients, supervising the younger residents, doing our own research papers and yes, doing administrative work for the department. They were taking a toll on patience and perseverance.

One day Dra Carretero took me to a side and talked to me. Where is the burden coming from? Responsibilities are part of life. And anger had no place in a heart that should be filled with gratitude even during the most trying times.

So we sat together at the CD chapel and she told me to learn to unburden myself to someone who would listen. God.

It didn’t take long that my whole chief residency days became a daily conversation with God. I learned that sharing in prayer made the load lighter to carry. And throw the worries to the wind.

It’s been gazillion years since that fateful day where when I found healing and forgiveness and love.

And I share my solace with everyone who’s going through some trying times. In spite of my hectic and frenetic schedules, there’s a place where my solitude finds me in a beautiful place of peace.

A place where I come to terms with God. Where being grateful for all the blessings, small or big, easy or difficult, where time is at a standstill and I can unburden my world…where prayers and offerings is the solace of my soul.

Thinking like a Queen

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So many problems. So little time. Or so we think.

I’m sure we all have these days (or much longer) where we seem to be showered with so many problems that focusing on failure is not an option.

Challenges don’t have signal lights. There are no brake pads in life that tell us when to pause at certain decisions. Whatever we decide on, remember, failure is always an option.

So how do you deal with situations like these?

Always factor in failure as part of the equation to solving a problem. There is no shame in failing because it will always part of the learning curve.

One day, I told my staff over lunch that who they see me today as a successful clinician was a product of failure. I am not ashamed to tell that story over and over again.

In the class of 1983, I was one of those who did not pass the oral revalida. And while the rest of my class marched on stage during graduation, I was making up for the failure. The failure devastated my ego. Whatever ego was left was thrown out the window.

The question was – do I continue or do I give up? What will people say? After wallowing in self pity, I came face to face with realizing that ego never built dreams. It was the most humbling moment of my life. I needed to prove to my tribunal that they were wrong. I could do this.

The rest of my success is history. There is no other story in between except that story of failure and my becoming who I am today.

While we are entitled to failures, it’s a fair reminder that the accountability is ours. Own up to it.

My piece of advice to those who go through life’s failures, is that they are there as part of your journey are not meant to be your final destination.

It will hurt when you fail. But someday you’ll realize when looking back at these struggles, it changed your life for the better.

Madness and that leap of faith

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We all fall victim to circumstances beyond our control. The knee jerk response is always to complain. Ironically, most of us complain even for the most mundane.

Every situation has a corresponding response. Some may react appropriately, others not. Eckhart Tolle provides a food for thought on decision making during these circumstances.

Every situation is within our control. We just need to learn which ones we accept, change or walk away from. They are important decisions we make because we live with the consequences of these choices, whether we feel it is right or wrong.

A few tips to help when having to make that leap of faith:

Rule #1. Never make your life decisions based on advice from people who don’t have to deal with the results of your decision.

I get that. When people tell you to do something that you feel is off and yet these same people won’t have to be accountable to the results of a decision you alone are responsible for is a very bad choice.

Rule #2. Your desire to change must be greater than your desire to stay the same.

Accepting something wrong when it is not right is being an accomplice to the bad decision. When we make a choice to change, it is because we don’t like who or what or where or why we are.

Rule #3. Only you can decide if it’s ONE DAY or DAY ONE.

No one is perfect. And perfect isn’t what change is all about. Perfect is about making the right decisions in life and loving the journey. It is loving the sound of your feet walking towards that goal.

Believe

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I wrote about surrendering a few days ago. Not because giving up is the only option. But because it’s a settling issue when the impossible is your opponent.

Then there’s believing in better outcomes. Believing even during the most uncertain times on better consequences entails two words – faith and hope.

Someone once asked me, why do bad things happen?

Pain is the greatest game changer in our lives. It reminds us that life is all about possibilities and overcoming the obstacles.

“We cannot change the cards we’re dealt with. Just how we play the hand”.

– Randy Pauch

The answer is simple, yet complicated. If life does not pose hurdles, what a boring routine we’d need to face each day.

We need to believe in the magic of miracles. They are the anchor of hope during adversity. And yes, the universe has a way of aligning life.

Why me?

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When we were growing up as kids, my sister and I would always chant the phrase “why me? Why always me?” when we’d be tasked by our parents on who would sweep the floor, or wash the dishes, or make the table.

We were never financially well off. Sure my grandparents were rubbing elbows with the Chinese Chamber of Commerce. But we were poor.

I know how it felt to move from place to place with just a few clothes on our back. We had three meals a day but barely made bills reconcilable. We huddled in a one bedroom apartment when my father was asked to leave the house of my grandparents. My parents never complained about having to fend for me and my sister. We never grew up with all the spoils in life. Going to a private school was the only luxury my parents provided us. We were taught that whatever came our way should be considered a blessing.

You know how the kids of today complain so much about not having enough? That’s right. How many of our kids have no “gadget” at all or are “tamed down” when interacting with social media?

I always knew that my father had a dream. See us get a good education. Raise us decently. Build a dream house (even if it meant being flung to a no man’s area. A house is still a house). In spite of his illness, he had a goal.

When he got sick, I thought it was awful that the company he was working for retired him immediately. Back then, labourers rights weren’t as well protected as today. You know the drill. “Here’s some loose change. Sorry you had a stroke. This should tide you over. We’re sorry to let you go. Thank you for the services in the company.”

My sister then lost her husband to a ruptured cerebral aneurysm at a young age. She was a widow with a 3 month pregnancy along the way and a 1 year old girl to take care.

You know how it is when it looks like the whole world gave up on you? Yeah. That’s just part of my life growing up.

Those were the parts where you’d now likely ask yourself, WHY ME?

These moments of doubt, guilt and despair are not exclusive to a few. I’m sure most, if not all, of us have had these unforgettable challenges.

I am writing this for you to remind you that life is about facing our greatest challenges and staying optimistic in spite of these challenges. Build a goal. And stick to the goal. Some plans may not work out the way we want, but keep your eyes on the goal. We will end up based on our decisions in life. And remember to choose to be happy. My father was right. We need to see the good in everything.

I surrender

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I get it.

No matter what you do, things just don’t work out. Most will provide the advice of “never giving up”. Yet there are times when giving up is the best option because you realize that it’s just a whole waste of time crying a river.

There are painful situations in life. Loss of a child or loved one, property or material value, job or career – they’re all part of the circle of life.

Doesn’t it suck that you’re in that situation when you know you need to let go, but you can’t, because “you’re waiting for the impossible to happen?”

Surrendering is an important decision we need to make in our lives. I’m not saying that we need to surrender at each stumble. There are just situations that letting go is the best decision we will make.

Where you find healing, forgiveness, and love…

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There’s so much anger, negative vibes and despair that’s being “shared”, “liked”, and “favorited” lately. It isn’t a healthy environment when social media becomes a fertile ground for political battles.

Tired of all the negative crap on social media, I decided to recently write about topics that can provide my friends and readers some Relative Joy.

I know that what I write isn’t as popular reading material in this day and age of “fake news”. But I’ve chosen to practice inner peace by writing to inspire. And hope that it gets passed on more than the pessimism around us.

My life is not a bed of roses. For those who personally know me, I have had my moments of disappointments, failures, frustrations, despair, and anger in life. Believe me when I say that it’s difficult to get inspiration during the worst days of your life.

Tired of fighting these angry moments, I felt that writing with the power to inspire and change the momentum of our lives was my highway to improving oneself.

I am engaging in a personal paradigm shift. Fighting the battles I need to fight. And learning the art of being kind, not only to my fellow men but to myself.

Drawing from a place of self construction than self destruction meant that I needed to admit to myself that in order to face my fears I had to appreciate truth and kindness in whatever situation, through healing and forgiveness.

Someone once said that the only way one can move on from all the hurt is to heal. To heal is to learn to forgive. To forgive those that have wronged you, including yourself. In the process of healing and forgiving, we learn to love ourselves and others as well.

Think of the highways of our lives as similar to driving.

You’ll just keep crashing if you don’t take your eyes off the rear view mirror.

The road to redemption can only achieved in that place where we find healing, forgiveness and love.

Silver linings

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We’re all a bunch of idealists. Growing up, we’re filled with these dreams and aspirations for a perfect life.

But that’s not what life throws at us.

I’ve learned that what happens, happens. At first, I was disappointed that in spite of so much effort and goodness (or doing the right thing) some endeavours ended up unappreciated. In retrospect, whatever decisions were made was a good thing. It provided less responsibility and consequently less accountability and stress. It was the silver lining.

We all have these anxious moments. They are touch and go situations with unpredictable outcomes. It’s miserable if things happen not the way we expect or plan. And it’s an inappropriate reaction to not give a f*ck about the events in our lives. But things happen.

I will not venture on why things happen. But they do. And that’s the reality of life. We move on. The hurt will be there, but the world continues to revolve around the sun and the moon will still shine more brightly in the darkest nights.

Coming to terms with reality of life and death, with victories and defeat, with struggles and ease are not easy.

But life has its silver linings.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. aptly puts it

Only in darkness can you see the stars.

For my friends who have been with me during my darkest days, thank you for making me see the stars.

How much are you worth?

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During one quiet moment, a friend’s father asked me “how much are your principles worth?”.

My initial reaction was shock.

Until he elaborated.

Everyone has a price. Even the most principled man has a price. Even heroes or saints have a price. Some of us may have not yet met that situation that made us decide on the price of our principle. We all have.

Let’s put a situation:

Say you needed 3 Million pesos badly because your father needed treatment for a disease. He has been in the ICU for the last 30 days. The savings of the family has dried up. Your family had to sell the house you live in. The loans are building up.

Your current job entails you access to vital confidential information that when revealed can bring down the business. The competitor of the company you work for knows your dilemma. Offers you 3M in exchange for that information. The life of your father or the information to the competition?

The scenario can vary from a hungry beggar who’s willing to break a law to feed his hungry and sick children or a drug addict who is willing to sell his or her body in exchange for a fix. Or the politician whose level of greed is shallow and is willing to exchange justice in order to keep up or maintain his family’s lifestyle.

If you’ve not met this challenge in your life, sometime you will. It can come either in the form of a crisis or temptation. But it will come.

For those who already have “sold” some of their “principled values”, only our conscience will dictate how we resolve them and if and when we can sleep better at nights.

We do what we need to do after thorough deliberation with our conscience.

Remember

there’s something wrong with your character if opportunity controls your loyalty.

What defines us at the end of our journey in life is not how well we lived but how we lived a life of kindness and gratefulness.