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1. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs. 😈
2. Patient: Doctor, I’m so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too. 😈
3. What’s the difference between a refrigerator and a gay man?
The fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out. 😈
4. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” are the same thing. Except at a funeral. 😈
5. Mr. de la Cruz gets a call from the hospital. They tell him that his wife’s been in a terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs into the ER, and looks for his wife. The staff tell him that Dr. Juan is handling the case. After paging the doctor, Dr. Juan comes down to meet with Mr de la Cruz in the waiting room. Seeing how distraught the husband was, the doctor starts off the conversation.
D: Mr de la Cruz?
M: Yes doctor. What happened? How’s my wife?
D: I have good news and bad news. Let me start off the with bad news. Your wife’s accident resulted in the fracture of her spine.
M: Oh my God! Will she ever recover?
D: Well, her fracture was severe and an operation would be very risky. She has no motor function at all. You’ll have to feed her and turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia.
(Mr. de la Cruz sobs desperately and begins to wail at this point.)
D: Then of course, you’ll have to change her diapers frequently as she has no control over her bladder.
(Mr. de la Cruz begins to shake while sobbing and wailing more.)
D: You’ll have to clean her feces regularly as she has no control of her sphincter. And you’ll have to clean her immediately to prevent bed sores and infection.
(Mr. de la Cruz is now shaking uncontrollably and beginning to writhe off the bench in a pitiful mess.)
And then the doctor reaches out his hand and pats the shoulder of Mr. de la Cruz and says:
D: I have some good news.
M: What could possibly be good about this?!?
D: I’m just f*cking with you. She’s dead. 😈