life

What are you willing to trade to see the sun rise one more time?

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I recently had a conversation with a friend who was diagnosed to have stage IV pancreatic cancer.

Dealing with terminal illnesses take a toll on the social, economic, financial and emotional aspects of our lives. It affects not only people who are afflicted with it, but the family and closest friends as well. I guess the most unsettling part of my friend telling me  this was that he needed to know what was happening.  Why everything came so fast. Why it had to be him.  What are the treatment options? When was he going to die?

I sat there in silence, listening to him talk about the circumstances that led to him being diagnosed with the terminal illness.  He said that it all started as a tummy ache and took some medicines given out by the pharmacist in a local drug store.  But the pain never really went away.  He thought that his dieting was causing the dyspepsia and bloating and experienced some back pains a few months before this diagnosis.  He had not really taken these symptoms seriously.  After all, he was young, a frequent traveler, didn’t smoke and socially drank, a successful businessman with a beautiful family.  Too busy for anything, he sought my professional advice a few months later.  I told him that he needed to see a gastroenterologist.  The “tummy aches” and other symptoms needed a professional medical attention.  He was hesitant for a few weeks.  Busy, according to him.  Afraid, according to me.

What do you talk about when one comes face to face with death because of a terminal illness? How do you cope a rollercoaster of feelings? What do you talk about when one knows he/she is going to die?

I have no answer for these questions.  What I do know, however, is that it is difficult to face death alone. There is nothing in this world that will prepare us for the inevitable face-to-face meeting with death.  Whether it is like a thief in the night that takes someone you love suddenly, or it’s a lingering illness where suffering and pain make the journey towards dying something we look forward to – nothing prepares us to meet death.

Things we love, we will lose one day. Things we fear, we will face one day. God sometimes put us in the dark to prove He is the light. That’s why we should live life one day at a time.

I’ve often asked myself the question – what would we be willing to trade to see another sunrise or sunset? I searched my mind for a good reply but sadly found none.  Even if the journey is fraught with suffering and pain, many of us fight to have one last look at another day.

Life is a little jar of memories.

Fill it with people worth remembering.

Make it matter.

Never forget

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There are moments that are ingrained not only in our heart but in our mind as well.

…how far we’ve come

…everything we’ve gone through

…the times we’ve pushed on even when we felt we couldn’t

..,all the mornings we got out of bed even though we knew how difficult it was

…all the times we wanted to give up yet didn’t and survived another day

Never forget how much strength we’ve learned and built.

But don’t forget to pause. And smell life.

Life is about balance. Someone once said that

You don’t always need to be getting stuff done. Sometimes it’s perfectly okay, and absolutely necessary, to shut down, kick back, and do nothing.

The story of creation

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God created the dog and said, “sit by the door of your house and bark at everyone who comes in or walks by. I will give you a life span of 20 years.”

The dog replied, “that’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I give you back the other ten?”

And God agreed.

Then God created the monkey and said, “entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I give you a life span of 20 years.”

The monkey said, “monkey tricks for 20 years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back the ten like the dog did?”

And God agreed.

Then God created the cow and said, “you must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this I will give you a life span of 60 years!”

The cow said, “that’s a tough life you want for me for 60 years. How about 20 and I’ll give you back the other 40?”

And God agreed.

Then God created man.

“Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life! For this I will give you 20 years life span.”

But man said, “only 20? How can I possibly enjoy life with only 20 years? Give me my twenty, and I will take the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the money returned and the 10 the dog gave up. That makes 80!”

And God, in all his grace and kindness agreed.

So my children, that is why for our first 20 years, we sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren. And for the last 10 years, we sit by the door and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

How to get away with murder

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A woman driver was pulled over by a policeman.

Woman (W): Is there a problem officer?

Police (P): You were over-speeding.

W: Really?

P: Can I see your drivers license?

W: I don’t have one.

P: You don’t have one? Why are you even driving?

W: I had but it got suspended because I’ve been apprehended four times for drunk driving.

P: Oh. Can I see your vehicle registration papers?

W: I don’t have any.

P: Why not?

W: I stole this car.

P: Stole it?!? 😳

W: Yes. And I killed and chopped up the owner into pieces 😈

P: What?!?!

W: His body parts are in plastic bags and I dumped them at the trunk of the car. You want to see them? 😈

The policeman looks at the woman and slowly backs away from the car, goes back to his car and calls for help and back up. Within 5 minutes other police cars arrive and circle the car of the woman. A senior police officer slowly approaches the woman’s car with his gun half drawn.

Policeman 2 (P2): Ma’am, please step out of the vehicle.

W: Is there a problem?

P2: The policeman over there tells us you stole the car and murdered the owner.

W: Murdered the owner?

P2: Yes. Can you please open the trunk of your car?

The woman steps out of her car and goes to open the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

P2: Is this your car ma’am?

W: Yes. Here are the registration papers.

The first policeman is stunned.

P2: That policeman over there says you were driving without a license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a purse and hands it to the policeman who inspects the purse and finds her drivers license!

P2: Thank you ma’am. That policeman told us that you didn’t have a license, you stole this car and you murdered the owner.

W: I’m sure he also told you I was stopped for over speeding. 😝

Dear Doctor

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An old lady goes to the doctor.

Old lady: Doctor, I keep farting but my farts are silent and odourless. In fact I have farted 20 times since I was in your office. Since my farts are noiseless and don’t smell, you’ve not noticed it.

Doctor: Here let me make a prescription for you. But these and take it and come back after a week.

After a week the old lady comes back.

Old lady: I don’t know what was in those pills you gave me doctor, but my farts though still silent, stink like hell!

Doctor: Excellent! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.

The Italian Son

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An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey.  He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, because the ground was hard.  His only son Vincent, who used to help him was in prison.  One day, the old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling depressed lately because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year.  I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.  I know if you were here, my troubles would be over.  I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love,

Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa

Don’t dig up that garden.  That’s where the bodies are buried

Love,

Vinnie

At 4AM the next day, the FBI agents surrounded the house of the old man and local police arrived and dug up the entire area but found no bodies.  They apologised to the old man and left.  The following day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Go ahead an plant the tomatoes now.  That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,

Vinnie.

Humor me

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They say that laughter is the best medicine.

I thought of sharing some of humor this month hoping that it would lighten the various darker (and difficult) moments we encounter these days.

Laughter is one of life’s simple joys. Laughter releases the feelings of anger, tension, anxiety, fear and guilt. It is that reason that even for a moment, humor brings back the relative joys in our daily grind.

The daily grind often puts too much serious sh*t into our daily lives that at times it becomes not only stressful but depressing too. Notice that after a hard days work or even at the office, our burden feels lighter when there is humor, smile and laughter.

Comedy even in its most slapstick format and while it is humor at its worse still provides laughter.

So this weekend, instead of watching those stressful dramas, kick off your shoes, relax and grab some dose of comedy shows.

As they say, a good laugh relieves a lot of hurts. Laugh when you can. Smile when you should. Be kind more often. Enjoy life. Because it’s the only one we have.

(NB. The humor posts for the month are not original. I am rewriting some of them, and posting it. If you like it, share it with some friends today and make someone smile.)

Mother’s Day story

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I will skip one day of #PetPeeveStories to dedicate today to all mothers in the world. They deserve this wall. I’m sure we all have personal stories of our moms. From heart tugging ones to heart breaking. But here’s my story and I’m sharing this with you because I’m proud of who my mom is.

A few years ago, I wrote a short piece called “Tuesdays With Inang”, in my other blog site, HeavenPurgatoryandHell.blogspot.com.

Before my mom became debilitated and had become more ambulatory challenged, Tuesdays would be dedicated to hanging out with her. After the sudden passing of my father in 1994, her world was never the same again. Five years ago, her spine began to deteriorate and being mobile became more challenging…and depressing.

Nowadays, when we’d sit down and have quiet conversations over her youth, family, marriage and life with my father, her mind would wander off to a beautiful place in her heart. I miss those “Tuesdays with Inang” mainly because of committed work and her physical therapy. So now my evenings after a hectic work schedule would be relegated to preparing dinner for her (when I most possibly can). It’s the least I could do. After all, she’d been the one preparing our dinners during all the years we were growing up.

Mother’s Day isn’t just about celebrating once a year the woman who has given you life in this world. It’s remembering the very person who has sacrificed a lot for you and thanking her for a job well done. After all, I can proudly say, I and my sister didn’t turn out so bad after all. And every day is a work in progress. As INANG begins to age, and so do we, the toll that health takes upon her let’s us know that time isn’t on our side.

We were never rich. And our humble beginnings taught us the important lessons in integrity, honesty, responsibility, and accountability. Because we never had much, both my parents toiled hard. It was my mom who stood by us through the best and worst times of our lives. Even when she got sick and needed several operations, her frail body would fight all odds just to make sure that she would be there to take care of us.

As we grew older, became more independent, and had lives of our own, I thought that one day both my mom and dad would have their happily-ever-after story. But that was cut short almost 25 years ago.

Today, my mom lives with me (or I with her?) after the passing of my dad. I continue to take care of her. With age, her companionship isn’t the same anymore. But her love is unequivocally the same. I will not be able to replace my father as the love of her life. But she will always remain the love of mine. Because in her, I see the face of hope, love, perseverance, sacrifice and strength. Even at my worst days, I look to her and smile at this woman who has been my inspiration, and my relative joys in life.

Happy Mother’s Day INANG!

I owe everything I am today because of you. I take pride that you’re my mom. Because you’re everything to me. Thank you INANG.

p.s. I love you

Revenge, just because…

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It’s interesting that many of today’s online sites provide a “feedback mechanism”. A prominent example is TripAdvisor. It has both the mobile App and desktop version. Anyone (literally anyone) can be a member for free, and be a keyboard warrior. Imagine, an ordinary citizen given the power to “review” his/her most recent visit to a destination!

Imagine, a site that provides you the power to “rank and recommend” these places you’ve been to (from airlines to restaurants to hotels to tourist destinations), provide feedback to other visitors and earn imaginary “badges” and “ranks” as reviewers! Excellent idea and review reference when this site began, and while it still is a good reference, let me tell you why it may have been more biased in spite of the fact that they have a review process before your review is “published”.

The avengers (no pun intended here) appeared. Yes. You read it right.

How many times have we felt the urge and motivated to write a review NOT to help people but instead write about how terrible our experiences were just because…

We wanted revenge.

Vengeance is an interesting side of rudeness. Danny Wallace (in his book “F you very much…”), points out bluntly that

Ordinarily, what civilised human beings desire is justice. If someone kills your dog, we want justice. We don’t want to kill that person’s dog…But if someone is rude to us, it’s not justice we immediately think of. We want to shove their rudeness straight back in their stupid rude face. We want to show strength. Fight. We want them to feel the way they made us feel.

I mean, yeah, I get it! If you scroll down among, say, the top hotels and read the reviews, many are authentic to a large degree. Then there are the outliers. Those who’ve posted “warning” signs and disappointing reviews just because…

It was their anniversary and they didn’t get upgraded…(duh?!? Since when was announcing your anniversary a right for a room upgrade?)

The room was tiny and they were 3 people who occupied the room…(uhmmm yeah, didn’t you read the room size specs when you were booking? It said 12sqm!)

There was a lot of noise because of the repairs in the hotel…(well oftentimes if you go through the hotel website, you’d see an announcement on repairs being made at the date of your stay, but NO…you needed to go through some cheap site to cut back on costs and didn’t do a thorough research by cross referencing the actual website of your hotel!)

And I can go on and on…with these “just because” scenarios. What I’m trying to get at is that revenge is only a keyboard away. With downloadable free mobile Apps, it’s something you can manage at your finger tips even while you’re sipping your margarita on a beach where the lifeguard looks awfully fat and the kebab is awfully bland!

Social media is today’s snake pit. A world where good and evil co-exist. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are receiving the top rants and vengeance posts.

Revenge is everywhere. And it is natural. As Wallace points out,

…to not want it is weird and it has ever been thus…but this is a deep pot of unattractive emotion we’re stirring. Most of these acts of rudeness-revenge are done from the shadows, the results of which aren’t seen or witnessed, but just imagined and enjoyed. Within each of them is a deep, sad feeling of powerlessness.

If you’re rude to two people, chances are one of them is now plotting to get you.

The scary thing is that we really do believe that revenge is a dish best served cold. We wait. We plan. We relish. And afterward, we are secretly proud. We also have the ultimate excuse: they were rude to me.

And I get it when my friends and colleagues want to “plot” back against those that have caused hurt. It is never easy to walk away from a place of pain. The more painful the event, the more difficult to forgive and forget. The degree of revenge is proportional to the pain, if even in our imagination. That’s why the hurt is not only physically but mentally and emotionally draining.

Yet revenge is never the answer. Karma will take its course.

…and it will be sweeter watching from the sidelines how the enemy has crumbled.

The power of YET

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Yes. You read it right. Three letters, one word. And yet it changes a whole paradigm.

“I don’t get it”

“I can’t do this”

“This doesn’t work”

I’m sure we’re all familiar with those moments of uncertainty and feel that life’s such an epic failure. If you’ve ever been there or are in this situation now, take a deep breath. Take your headset, go someplace where you can find tranquility or even just go for a walk…think about the three statements above but add YET at the end of each sentence.

It may not be easy, but it doesn’t mean you’re not going to be able to beat the challenge.

Two of my fave people (who sadly have passed away), to me are the best examples of resilience and strength.

Steve Jobs founder of Apple, tells us why we should never cut down trees in the winter time when he says

Never make negative decisions in the low time.

Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.

And Stephen Hawking, former professor of Mathematics at the University of Cambridge and author of A Brief History of Time paints resilience through,

One, remember to look at the stars and not down at your feet.

Two, never give up work. Work gives you purpose and life is empty without it.

Three, if you’re ever lucky to find love, remember it is there and don’t throw it away.

And when we’re at the lowest point in our lives, don’t forget the three letter word that can change everything and the power of YET.