Do you remember the time when we fought like cats and dogs? I think it’s normal between siblings that there’s what they call “sibling rivalry”. I think it was more of attention-grabbing than anything else. It was weird that we really didn’t fight much as we were growing up. Weirder that we had only each other to run to when we had problems. Weirdest that even as siblings, we shared more of our world than other families would.
Yes. As we grew older the challenges in life became struggles. In hindsight, these struggles made us stronger. Made us closer. Made us believe that even as a small family, we can overcome many things despite the difficulties life threw at us. The scars are visible, yet they serve as our reminders that we fought hard. And we fought well.
It was ironic that you found a Christmas card I gave you 29 years ago.
I know that the passing of Edward was difficult particularly when you were pregnant with Charles. We were all devastated with that loss. As a family, we overcame the uncertainties and well, God provided, and the kids are now grown up and living decent lives.
You’ve accomplished your purpose and perhaps, I’ve accomplished mine.
I still keep my part of the promise. Because we’re family. And Family is all about love.
I am writing this for you, to remind us that resilience in times of adversity can win. And there are small victories in our relative joys in life.
And I’m sharing our story so that others can believe in the magic of discovering happiness even during the worst of days.
With much love,
love
You and I
You ever had that feeling that the moment we met there was a connection so strong that we were drawn to each other in a way not felt before? Over a period of time, I felt love so deep and strong, yet complicated. In you, I have found my soulmate.
One thing for sure is that we’re two opposite poles. The yin and the yang. With you, I’ve learned to understand the depth of the word “complicated”. I on the other hand was always “predictable”.
I never say things I’m not sure of. But the day I said “I love you”, I was sure. And when I said it, it wasn’t because I wanted to hear it back. It was because I meant it.
I never commit to things I’m not serious with. The day I said “forever”, I meant that too. When I said it, I wasn’t waiting for a “me too” reply. It was a commitment to spending my life with you.
I’ve seen you grow into a successful and beautiful person during our 14 years together. And while we’ve had our ups and downs, you’ve also given me reasons to laugh and smile. Those memories I will always cherish.
You’ve totally pushed me harder than I would have myself. And taken leaps of faith when I am unsure. I’m still unsure with a lot of things. Even at my age. But I know you’ll be here when I need that shoulder to cry on or miserable moment to share with.
I can’t promise to be here the rest of your life, but I promise to love you the rest of mine.
Thank you. For everything.
Love,
Love letter to mom
Dearest mom,
It’s been quite awhile that I’ve sat down and thought about where life has led us today. I know that I’ve been busy and we’ve both gotten older. We even share greying hair and wrinkles already. The reason I decided to write you a love letter is to let you know that in spite of the weirdest, roughest days of my daily grind, I never stop caring for you.
I know that there are days that you’d tell me that you’re old and useless already. It pains me that you tell me that you’re most useless because of your difficulty in walking. Or that you’re not being able to cook for me my favorite dishes any longer. Or that you’re unable to run errands for me like you used to.
It pains me to see you depressed and lonely during most days or dream of bad things or simply wait for the maid to assist you when you need to move around.
We all wish that everything in life is “what it used to be”. Reality is, it’s not. Life is a cycle.
When we were born, I know you and dad were overjoyed at having a baby to take care of. After another year or so, my sister came along. And we became a handful. Life did not come easy for a young couple to raise us. But hey, you need to pat yourselves in the back because you did a good job. We didn’t turn out so bad after all.
I’m grateful for everything you’ve done. I want you to know that! The arguments and discussions will always be part of a healthy discourse in the family. Without them, we wouldn’t be where we are today.
For the love you so unselfishly shared during my highs and lows in life. For the moments when I just needed a hug. For the days when I had a shoulder to cry on. For the years of hardship you carried so well in spite of the challenges in life.
I am writing this for you because I want you to remember that I will always be thankful for everything you’ve done for us. The least I can do is to repay that unabashed love you so generously shared through your sacrifices is through my own way of caring for you.
And while my memory and your memory are still intact, let me express my profound gratitude.
Thank you for being my best friend.
I love you to the blood red moon and back. 💖
Chapter 2 – Love Stories
There are different forms of love. And each has its own story to tell.
During our teenage years, our growing hormones dictate to our bodies the kind of relationships we long for. Everyone knows what it’s like to fall in love. Be loved. To suffer heartbreaks. Love after all, is a choice we all make. Oh I’m not talking about the platonic love here. It’s the one that brings giggles, smiles, comfort and security. It’s the kind of love where choices are made, consequences happen and we pray that it ends in happily-ever-afters. Or not.
Some of us are just hopeless romantics. I for one had a few relationships before settling down. We all fall in and out of love for the wrong and right reasons. In a relationship it’s never always about you alone. It’s always about us. And many relationships or attempts at relationships fail because we forget why we exchanged “vows”. We chase the wrong things.
When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.
Over time, we forget that the relationship we forged is about making each other better. In a relationship, there is no more “I”. It’s always “we”.
The battles and challenges in life are no longer personal because somehow, someone will help us get through the tough times. The good times will be cause for celebration.
Trust. Fidelity. Truth. They are all essential elements of every relationship. It’s important that we keep these in mind in our journey to forever after.
It has been quite a ride on the roller coaster of love. I’ve had my highs and lows. I hope you like my love letters this month. I’m writing these for you.
Last page – Tokyo Stories
I did not think that when I started writing again during our winter vacation last December, I could generate enough inspiration to consistently write for a month.
The daily writing was therapeutic. It helped ease down many unsettling moments in so many ways. The first time I decided to write again was on a beautiful day in Tokyo in a hotel room with a perfect view of Mt. Fuji.
The beauty and calm of nature was a sight to behold. I recalled my younger days when I’d go to retreats. As a young boy I learned to unburden my crosses by reflecting. As I grew older, the retreats became scarce, while the journeys more difficult. I slowly found that time no longer became my friend and things were more difficult to let go.
Then there is that one day. That day when life comes full circle to collect the debts of time and memories that passed us by.
It made me recall the moments that quickly passed me by – those missed opportunities where sorrow and pain lived and where joy, happiness and love stood still in time.
It was a good time to pause from the chaotic life and watch how nature does not hurry and yet accomplished everything.
“Nature does not hurry, and yet everything is accomplished”
– Lao Tzu
Tomorrow, begins another chapter in my stories of Relative Joy.
And like life, we get to write our own beginnings.
Heaven in their eyes
Last Christmas I was mulling on giving something to my growing staff at the agency where I’m currently employed.
And yes, it’s a bit off writing this a month after Christmas. But Christmas isn’t just a holiday event that’s marked by a date on our yearly calendar wantonly being waited upon by people to remind them of an upcoming merry occasion that needed to be celebrated.
The meaning of Christmas lies in the heart of giving. We forget that the spirit of Christmas is best seen through the eyes of the recipient.
As in previous years, I donated the whole amount that I budgeted as a gift for my staff to a program that the Sacred Heart is Jesus Parish sustains. It’s called Sponsor a Child that provides the tuition fee for one year to a child in the community around us for a Montessori education.
These three kids are the recipients for the year on behalf of a donation made on behalf of the Center for Drug Regulation of the Food and Drug Administration.
The program still needs a lot of donors and each child’s program will cost only P3500 per child per year.
In our lifetime, I’m sure that people have provided us a lift in our lives chasing our dreams. That meant that some had to give up a couple of wants in order to provide our needs or pursue our dreams.
I hope that some of my readers get to share a little of what they have with those who have less in life through programs like these.
An atmosphere of being able to pay it forward is a gesture of perpetual kindness.
After all, heaven in their eyes is a tangible dream for the heart that’s willing to share.
Why me?
When we were growing up as kids, my sister and I would always chant the phrase “why me? Why always me?” when we’d be tasked by our parents on who would sweep the floor, or wash the dishes, or make the table.
We were never financially well off. Sure my grandparents were rubbing elbows with the Chinese Chamber of Commerce. But we were poor.
I know how it felt to move from place to place with just a few clothes on our back. We had three meals a day but barely made bills reconcilable. We huddled in a one bedroom apartment when my father was asked to leave the house of my grandparents. My parents never complained about having to fend for me and my sister. We never grew up with all the spoils in life. Going to a private school was the only luxury my parents provided us. We were taught that whatever came our way should be considered a blessing.
You know how the kids of today complain so much about not having enough? That’s right. How many of our kids have no “gadget” at all or are “tamed down” when interacting with social media?
I always knew that my father had a dream. See us get a good education. Raise us decently. Build a dream house (even if it meant being flung to a no man’s area. A house is still a house). In spite of his illness, he had a goal.
When he got sick, I thought it was awful that the company he was working for retired him immediately. Back then, labourers rights weren’t as well protected as today. You know the drill. “Here’s some loose change. Sorry you had a stroke. This should tide you over. We’re sorry to let you go. Thank you for the services in the company.”
My sister then lost her husband to a ruptured cerebral aneurysm at a young age. She was a widow with a 3 month pregnancy along the way and a 1 year old girl to take care.
You know how it is when it looks like the whole world gave up on you? Yeah. That’s just part of my life growing up.
Those were the parts where you’d now likely ask yourself, WHY ME?
These moments of doubt, guilt and despair are not exclusive to a few. I’m sure most, if not all, of us have had these unforgettable challenges.
I am writing this for you to remind you that life is about facing our greatest challenges and staying optimistic in spite of these challenges. Build a goal. And stick to the goal. Some plans may not work out the way we want, but keep your eyes on the goal. We will end up based on our decisions in life. And remember to choose to be happy. My father was right. We need to see the good in everything.
Where you find healing, forgiveness, and love…
There’s so much anger, negative vibes and despair that’s being “shared”, “liked”, and “favorited” lately. It isn’t a healthy environment when social media becomes a fertile ground for political battles.
Tired of all the negative crap on social media, I decided to recently write about topics that can provide my friends and readers some Relative Joy.
I know that what I write isn’t as popular reading material in this day and age of “fake news”. But I’ve chosen to practice inner peace by writing to inspire. And hope that it gets passed on more than the pessimism around us.
My life is not a bed of roses. For those who personally know me, I have had my moments of disappointments, failures, frustrations, despair, and anger in life. Believe me when I say that it’s difficult to get inspiration during the worst days of your life.
Tired of fighting these angry moments, I felt that writing with the power to inspire and change the momentum of our lives was my highway to improving oneself.
I am engaging in a personal paradigm shift. Fighting the battles I need to fight. And learning the art of being kind, not only to my fellow men but to myself.
Drawing from a place of self construction than self destruction meant that I needed to admit to myself that in order to face my fears I had to appreciate truth and kindness in whatever situation, through healing and forgiveness.
Someone once said that the only way one can move on from all the hurt is to heal. To heal is to learn to forgive. To forgive those that have wronged you, including yourself. In the process of healing and forgiving, we learn to love ourselves and others as well.
Think of the highways of our lives as similar to driving.
You’ll just keep crashing if you don’t take your eyes off the rear view mirror.
The road to redemption can only achieved in that place where we find healing, forgiveness and love.
The daily grind
When I was growing up I always wondered why my father had to wake up so early in the day. He’d be up at 430am to get ready to go to work. By the time I was going to school, I’d usually hitch a ride with my dad. He’d drop me off and most of the days, he’d also pick me up after classes on the way home.
It was his daily grind.
And he’d always say, “I owe I owe so off to work I go.”
We don’t realize what most parents go through to place food on the table, send their kids to school, put a roof over their head, worry about the clothes on their backs while chasing their dreams.
Back then when the internet and the technological revolution was still intangible, the daily grind was a much slower process. It was like watching life evolve in slow motion.
Friends were actual people who played with and shared your most intimate and despicable moments with. They made you cry, laugh, and love at different phases in your life.
And then there was work. Not being subservient to the Internet had its pros and cons. (And that’s another topic altogether). The upside was that the skills I developed as a clinician was truly one that I would treasure. My generation, was the last of the dinosaurs.
Fast forward to today, I’d say that I’ve almost come full circle. Slowing down has crossed my mind gazillion times. The adrenaline rush of work and anxiety is a rollercoaster ride that’s taking a toll on my daily grind. And the years have made me gradually feel the aftermath.
And I remember my dad. He passed away at an early age of 59. I miss him a lot. Especially those moments spent with him. Because he was too busy providing, he eventually suffered two strokes and passed away. Too soon.
As we venture into another year, it’s time to reflect on whether I will let the daily grind affect the moments in my life that I will miss.
Remember, there is never a rewind button in our lives. If we let the daily grind miss out on what is essential, we would have life pass us by.
Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory. – Dr Seuss
Being kind or being right?
Mark Twain once said “kindness is the language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see”.
We’ve all had that moment when we decide on a matter that affects another person. It’s a difficult decision especially when it comes to work. Rules and regulations define what one needs to do. Or not do.
Often times things happen beyond our control. We can’t predict what happens in other people’s lives. An illness that debilitates a close family member, a family or someone who goes through difficult times, or worse, a death that leaves us devastated.
In the workplace, life goes on regardless of the circumstances. Upper management would always tell you to leave your problems at home. But how do you work well if issues at home hound your mind while you’re working?
In a relationship, at times we have difficulty sharing problems. Either others wouldn’t care or are looking out for themselves. It’s depressing to face your problems alone. After all, one is a lonely number.
Of course one can argue that people abuse kindness. But let’s keep it real and let karma pay back these low life creatures.
So here’s the rub. When is kindness more important than being right?
It’s a fair reminder that when people think that in the middle of their chaos, there was you to lean on, being kind will always be the right thing to do.
Kindness, after all, is an eight letter word that’s someone else’s Relative Joy.
Relative Joy 