Month: February 2018

It’s not okay

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I once saw a sign that said, “haters f*ck off!” Well yeah, there’s too much drama among haters in this world. Someone who hates you normally hates you for three reasons:

1. You’re seen as a threat.

2. They hate themselves.

3. They want to be you.

All these reasons boil down to one thing. Lack of self esteem. These are people who are seriously emotionally damaged. Their life stories are not only pretentious but pathetic as well. They have so much hate within them because of a miserable past where they were used, abused and abandoned.

I have seen people rise from the storms of their lives and create beautiful life-inspiring journeys later on. But not all survive the battles well. Some of these “survivors” are left deeply scarred because friends and family abandon them during these lowest points of their lives.

What do you do when you hit rock bottom? We all get up. How and whom we get up with is the crucial game changer in the equation. The haters are born out of this process. These haters embrace all the envy and attitude the cosmos throws their way. They put up defense mechanisms in order to survive. Then they build a world according to paranoia. Finally, they channel all the resources or survival and paranoia through bullying the weak and helpless.

Once the bully has evolved, it becomes more difficult to handle them. Bullies travel in cliques. They have the same mantra – you’re a threat, they hate themselves, and they envy you. The vicious cycle of hate, envy, insecurity in a bully or a bunch of bullies is destructive to everyone.

No one deserves to be treated like sh*t. More so by a lowlife called a bully. They don’t need pity or love. But one needs to recognize who and what bullies are.

Bullies are on survival mode everyday. They do what they do for self protection. They are manipulative. Humiliation, intimidation and isolation are the only means they know in order to cope up with their lack of self esteem. From the glass tower bullies build, they lead very sad lives. A life built on fantasy and illusion. They crave for power and use power as a tool for doing what they do over and over again. Vengeance over people who have disappointed them or will potentially disappoint them is the main goal.

“Bullying is a dysfunctional addiction that society is now recognising and insisting that it is no longer acceptable.”

Haters will always be everywhere – in the workplace, in a relationship, in school. It’s not okay to be bullied. Allowing that means you allow yourself to be disrespected.

Each time we allow ourselves to be abused, we place ourselves in a dark corner. Remember, one day you will get out of that corner. But escaping scarred and hurt isn’t the story you want to tell. You want to tell the story of having fought well because it wasn’t okay to allow the hater to have his way.

Nothing lasts forever

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There are no “happily ever afters”. There. I’ve said it.

Over lunch, I popped a quick question to my colleagues at work. What would you do if you caught your other half (or better/bitter half) cheating on you?

Outraged? Stunned? Speechless? Angry? Stupefied?

The answers were varied. The first reaction was mixed. Denial and anger at first and the common response in the end was confusion.

No matter how you looked at the situation, you’d only be faced with hurt and pain. How can you look at him/her the same way again after this? There’d always be that doubt lingering in your heart. Forgiveness comes easier than forgetting. We forgive because it’s an act of self-love. Forgetting is a human reaction to pain.

I guess the more we love, the greater the pain felt when losing the person we love. It’s probably why some of us keep a distance when they get into a relationship. They don’t give their all because they’re afraid to get hurt in the end.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always hopes, always perseveres.”

But nothing lasts forever. And one needs to remember that when Love is gone, the heart remembers the pain caused by the hurt of being and falling in love.

Of betrayals and forgiveness

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Nothing hurts more than being betrayed by the single person you thought would never hurt you.

Whether it’s someone in your family, your friend, your better half, your colleague or your business associate, betrayal is an act that’s difficult to forgive. It is natural to be angry, especially when the boundaries on issues of trust have been crossed.

The pain of betrayal changes people in an incomprehensible way. Betrayal is abusive and destructive. People end up blaming themselves for entrusting their feelings to someone. When the vulnerability is ripped apart, a feeling of being violated slices through the core. The hurt is deep and difficult to mend. It’s because that the moral fiber of every relationship is built on trust.

“Love grows where trust is laid, and love dies where trust is betrayed”

How do you move on after a betrayal?

It’s difficult. But achievable. Every process of pain requires a healing period. There is no overnight cure. It’s not easy to “forgive and forget”. Those two words are immature thoughts learned during our childhood years. How do you say to someone “I forgive you for betraying me”?

I can only surmise that the one person who has ever said that, was nailed to the cross 2000 years ago by those who betrayed Him.

And there is no greater pain felt than one in a betrayal.

Forgiveness does not come easy. More often than not, the one that was betrayed has difficulty in moving on. It’s a vicious cycle of anger, hate, and wallowing in misery. It’s unproductive and unhealthy both physically and emotionally.

I get it. There is pain. And the pain is deep. But I also said that there’s a grace period called healing. And healing only begins when we learn the art of forgiveness. No, not the the kind that says “it’s alright for hurting me”. Because it’s never alright. It’s the one that says, “I forgive myself from allowing you to hurt me all this time, because I love my life, because I deserve better, because I have crumbled and fallen and will pick up the pieces from where you left me.” It’s that one where you learn to forgive yourself.

“We forgive not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because you don’t want to suffer and hurt yourself every time you remember what they did to you. Forgiveness is mental healing and the final act to loving yourself.”

Courage

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“What does not break us make us stronger”

No one goes through life without trials. Our burdens may vary between one another, but they’re burdens nevertheless. While some may be going through tough financial times, others are enduring health issues or emotional and mental crisis. No matter how small or big the problem is, everyone carries his or her own cross in life.

Do we learn to let go and walk away or hang on for dear life?

I remember my friend would always quip during story telling by saying, “but wait, there’s more”! I initially found it funny, but today I use that parody by alluding to letting go and finding the courage to fight for what is right and just.

Every trial is an opportunity at changing the game or situation. Do we fight on or just quit? Imagine if we walked away from all of life’s issues and challenges, where would we end up? We’d have no stories to tell or write about. Life would be so sad that no one could hardly remember who you are and why you existed. The best part of life isn’t just the happy moments I talk about in my stories. It’s about the small victories we take, one day at a time, and encouraging one person at a time with this courage. One voice today may not be loud enough but when you’re able to make all voices heard, even the king in the palace will hear his people’s cries.

That’s the kind of courage we need to have. To let go of fear. To have courage to find the strength to move mountains and yes, even if we cannot change the landscape today, my patience and resilience at life will make me a better person.

God will not allow us to be tried beyond our strength. And we are all here for a purpose. That purpose of change and good should be the focus of our goal.

I know why I’m here.

Feast or fast?

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The last time that Ash Wednesday fell on Valentine’s Day was in 1945. This year, devout Catholics will need to rethink their meat steak dinners as an option as the occasion puts carnivorous cupids into a pause mode.

As an obligatory rite by the church, Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of Lent and during mass ashes are imposed on our foreheads, reminding us that “from dust we come, to dust we shall return”.

There are two obligatory days of fasting and abstinence in the calendar for Catholics 18-59 years old – Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.

It’s a no brainer when choosing between between fasting or feasting because of our faith. The origins of Valentine’s Day are sketchy with various resources in history dating it back to ancient Roman celebration of spring festival on the 15th of February. When Christianity was introduced, it was moved to the 14th of February to celebrate a Christian martyr named Valentine.

Over the years, the celebration of Valentine’s Day has evolved to a highly commercialised one – brimming with the fancy trimmings of the expression of love through flowers, sweets and treats over candle lit dinners.

Ash Wednesday to the Christian community marks the start of the Lenten Season, a time for reflection and penitence. While the Lenten period technically simulates the 40 days of fasting of our Jesus Christ, the actually number is 46 calendar days because the church does not count Sundays as part of Lent.

Ash Wednesday reminds us that our lives are short and we must live it to the fullest in the service of God. That we are given the Lenten season to reflect on our lives and the road to repentance and forgiveness. It paves the way for Catholics to be reminded of our humanity, and the crosses that Jesus had to bear before dying for our sins on Good Friday.

It comes as a timely reminder where we reflect on our road in life. It is ironic that this is most relevant at this day and age where so much hypocrisy, traitors and Judases exist on behalf of political, economic, personal and religious agenda. Almost 2000 years ago, we crucified someone who came to bring us hope and love. Ash Wednesday is a reminder of the love of God to us, “for He gave his only son to save the world”.

Let’s stay on track with our faith. Hopefully we choose what is right over what is convenient or fun. On a positive note, it’s best to remember Ash Wednesday as our road to realizing the Good Fridays of our lives and the countdown to our Easter Sundays.

Oh by the way, you may find this blog handy, as the next years that Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day would collide are in 2024 and 2029.

Silver, Sam and Ki2

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Every morning when I get up, they’re either just loafing around me or are stretching their limber huggable bodies. They show me and my mom unequivocal love. Happiness is always found whenever I’m with them. Their needs are few – food, affection, a walk around the block or to the park, a trip to the doctor, a ride to the grocery or spa. When I’m back from work, Silver can tell that my car is near. Sam is ready with his colored balls. When I’m not around they simply sleep, play, and eat. Everyday, they wait for me to come home. They’re patient and kind. They don’t have an iota of anger or hatred (unless of course provoked). They’re the epitome what pure joy and trust are. They exude so much faithfulness, you can’t help that they’re man’s best friend.

If only all human beings can learn the love, kindness and faithfulness of our pets, when it comes to relationships, it would be a better world we live in.

Their undivided attention and love tell us how much they love us more than themselves. They will sacrifice themselves for us. And it’s painful when they go ahead of us. Their unqualified love is the kind that we humans lack.

They’re my stress relievers. Thanks for the undivided love guys!

The break up and the heart break

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When someone breaks up with you, don’t you wish you lost those painful feelings as fast as you lost him or her?

I understand the pain. Been there. Done that. Every relationship will have its rollercoaster ride. There will be days when everything looks all great. Then there are days that look all grey.

It’s always easier to qualify and say that whenever we get into a relationship and fall in love, we need to only love as much as the other. But that isn’t what relationships are about. And that’s not what love is.

Love should be free flowing and without restrictions. It should be as deep as it can be so that we feel it to the core. And every day, every moment, a relationship is a work in progress.

And when things don’t work out, maybe it’s just not meant to be. You see, no matter how some of us try, the universe will always collude with destiny to find the one.

There’s an old saying that

“It’s better to have loved and loss than never having to have loved at all”.

Whom do you fight for?

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Henry Ford properly puts it in perspective in his quote, “when everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it”.

Life and love will always have challenges in life. We need to prioritize who gets the attention during those gruelling days when you need to decide which one is your priority.

It’s an odd balance especially when you need to decide between making a living or making a life. They’re two opposite diatribes. Let’s face it. Most, of not all of us, go to work for the money. Career usually takes a bit of a back seat. If the pay is good, who cares about career? And that usually ends up disappointing and disastrously because the focus of making a living is the money. Well, essentially nothing wrong with that but think about it. That’s the same paradigm most of our OFWs (overseas foreign workers) take. They leave their family in search of better living because the salaries in the Philippines are a pittance. I’ve seen families broken and lives shattered because of “making a living”.

I get that it’s useless to make a life when you have mouths to feed or obligations to fulfill. Making a life, after all, is a dream or an ambition. The drive for this is more for the idealistic people. But dreaming for the ideal world is a worthy goal. While it may not be financially remunerating, the uphill climb is most rewarding especially when you get to your objective.

Whom do you fight for? That’s an odd title. But think about it. It matters why we do what we do each day. And when we know whom we fight for, the answer to making a living or making a life, will come clearly when we are faced with decisions in life and love.

As for me, even at my age, I’m fighting for myself. I’m always willing to evolve…into a better me.

Pages

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“There comes a time in your life when you have to choose between turning the page or closing the book”

I’ve always believed that whatever decisions we make is a choice we are responsible for.

Whether it’s over career, life, love or business, it’s one that’s made because we want a better us. We need to walk away from all the stressful drama and useless foibles in our lives in order to find peace.

When you wake up each day having nothing to look forward to, you know it’s time to move on. But it does not mean you do it overnight. It entails some reflection, some planning, and yes, some time off all the useless battles you don’t need to fight. The important answer is whatever we decide on should make us happy. When you’re happy, the stars align to make your life journey a memorable one.

It’s a fair reminder that we know which battles need to be fought. After all, not all heroes end up with a monument built or sainthood bestowed.

It’s a beautiful reminder that we should be able to discern when to walk away or when to fight for what is right.

Signs

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Do you believe that certain life decisions are made based on signs? I do. And it’s not because we leave making important decisions to the wind or to chance. It’s because you think of others when you need to make decisions in life.

When things are not going your way or when you’re in an unusual rough situation, many of us rely on “signs” to guide us in our decision.

This is true for many resolutions in our lives. Whether it is love, career, friendship or finance, we wait for a sign to point us in the direction (right or wrong). But yes, we throw our resolve to the wind. And pray that the universe align with our dreams.

When things don’t work out as planned we become disappointed, or get hurt in the process. And so after waiting for that mystical “sign” again, for better outcomes in our lives.

As my partner would always say to me, “it’s a sign“.

Some of us find love and fall out of love based on “signs”. You feel that he’s the one because the stars align and the cosmos collided for the moment to happen.

Then of course, there are relations that don’t work out. Too much anger and stress between parties are not productive to the growth of either one in that relationship.

So what happened to signs? Well here’s a short and practical tip that never fails when the signs fail us:

When you lose your respect, it’s the biggest sign that it’s time.