reflection

Beauty and the devil

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Temptations are always beautiful.

If temptations came with an ugly presentation, would we even accede to it?

It’s a good food for thought. We learn from the bible that even the temptation of Jesus Christ was delectably laid out on a silver platter by the Satan. The devil in the bible is proof that the devil is alive and continues to offer man the bounty of material possession and power in exchange of his soul. It gets clouded by us in many forms. Let me put it bluntly. The more beautiful the temptation the more difficult to resist it.

When your principles are compromised or you’ve had that defining moment to even slightly pause and wonder if the temptation of looking the other way from evil or wrong doing is worth it, only you will know the answer.

Five Ws

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I chanced upon a short post and I’m writing this for you because it summarizes the five important things when making life decisions.

1. WHO you are is what makes you special. Do not change for anyone.

Do not let anyone have their way or bully you into being subservient to the point of being held stupid for the actions you take on their behalf. There’s a time and a place knowing when to give in and when to say NO because it is not right, not fair, and not just. Only creationists will think that the world was made for them. That thought is self serving. People who are busy at creating and living in illusions are best avoided.

2. WHAT lies ahead will always be a mystery. Do not be afraid to explore.

A friend of mine once said that he drew up a bucket list. And he was 55 when he drew it up! It’s never too late to explore anything in life. Tomorrow will always be a mystery and the good part is to love it & live it! Life is beautiful. Learn to smell the roses as we travel the difficult roads. We will learn to appreciate life more this way.

3. WHEN life pushes you over, you push back harder.

There will always be tomatoes thrown your way. Don’t take it personally. Sometimes it’s a wake up call. You probably crossed the line. However, if you didn’t deserve the tomato, pause. Breath in deep. Reflect. If you still feel like throwing back the tomatoes to the jealous bastards, do it! It’s nothing personal as well.

4. WHERE there are choices to make, make the one you won’t regret.

Every choice made is our responsibility. Being accountable for the choice is a sign of maturity. Whether you choose good or evil, make the choice where you sleep better at nights. Karma after all is such a painful payback.

5. WHY things happen will never be certain. Take it in stride and move forward.

Because we don’t have a crystal ball, tomorrow will always be another day. Living in the anxiety of tomorrow isn’t a good thing. Other people’s problems are not yours to bear. Let them play their own dramas. If the seas get too rough, keep your eyes on the compass of your goals in life. That should serve as your handy guide on how to weather the storms on your travel to your destination.

The Dunning-Kruger effect

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In the field of Psychology, this is more commonly known as a cognitive bias where “people of low ability suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly assessing their cognitive ability greater than it is.”

In 1999, two psychologists from Cornell University – David Dunning and Justin Kruger – published a paper entitled “Unskilled and unaware of it: How difficulties in recognising one’s own incompetence lead to inflated self-assessment“. Over several studies, they found that “participants scoring in the bottom quartile grossly overestimated their test performance and ability.” What did this mean?

“People who are incompetent at something are unable to recognize their own incompetence. Not only do they fail to recognize their incompetence, they’re also likely to feel confident that they actually are competent!”

It’s been 19 years since the published paper, and the fact is that the psychological phenomenon is as relevant today as it was before the technological and internet boom.

The study was done in the United States and I have to see some data with regards to the research being conducted among Filipinos, if we would see consistent data or not.

It’s very interesting because the global geopolitical landscape has dramatically shifted and it is without doubt that the Dunning-Kruger Effect is more relevant today than when it was first published. And this applies not only to the political field but encompasses even the medical, economic, academic and religious groups as well.

I write about this not as an expert in the field of psychology but to share interest in a topic that should make us pause and read up further on how to mitigate such cognitive bias.

Plan B

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Things don’t usually work out the way we want. You land a job that eventually sucks or a relationship that doesn’t work out because someone cheated on you or a friendship that gets broken because of some form of betrayal.

Whatever hurt is caused, overcoming that pain is a hurdle. Making rational decisions are mired during those painful moments. One can not contain anger and simply brush off the pain with a whiff. The need to understand the circumstances surrounding this are stressful and when anxiety builds up, it distracts your way of thinking.

But why do these things hurt us? The answer lies in trust issues. We trust the other party too much. We don’t expect that we will get used by them in order to achieve their goal. We end up blaming ourselves because we were blindsided.

To survive in life, one should expect the unexpected. In order to protect ourselves from getting hurt, we need to be kind to ourselves by trusting less and forgiving often.

I’m not talking about paranoia (but yeah sometimes it gets to that point). We just need to be careful about other people’s motives in life. Not everyone you meet on your life journey will stay the rest of your life. What I’m driving at, is that we all need a Plan B in order to survive.

Plan B is thought of well. When one sees the signs that are disruptive in a relationship, you need to ask the unasked questions – why is it happening and where is it headed? Asking the why may need some head on confrontation or dialogue. But it’s hard to figure out the other side when the other side is blindsiding you. More often than not, you can’t tell because only the other person has plans on where this is leading to.

Plan B is for everyone. It’s a safe exit to sanity and yes, becomes a useful tool as a reality check. It’s those “I told you this would happen or I told you so moments” that make Plan B a safe zone to run to when all hell breaks loose.

Plan B, takes reflection and planning and knowing when to execute the plan. A shift in career or resignation from work, calling a relationship quits, breaking the bond of friendship – whatever the problems that hound us, there should always be Plan B.

When you have a good exit plan, your safe zone of Plan B will always keep you going. Moving on becomes less difficult. And you end up a lot happier by making the right decisions in life.

It’s not okay

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I once saw a sign that said, “haters f*ck off!” Well yeah, there’s too much drama among haters in this world. Someone who hates you normally hates you for three reasons:

1. You’re seen as a threat.

2. They hate themselves.

3. They want to be you.

All these reasons boil down to one thing. Lack of self esteem. These are people who are seriously emotionally damaged. Their life stories are not only pretentious but pathetic as well. They have so much hate within them because of a miserable past where they were used, abused and abandoned.

I have seen people rise from the storms of their lives and create beautiful life-inspiring journeys later on. But not all survive the battles well. Some of these “survivors” are left deeply scarred because friends and family abandon them during these lowest points of their lives.

What do you do when you hit rock bottom? We all get up. How and whom we get up with is the crucial game changer in the equation. The haters are born out of this process. These haters embrace all the envy and attitude the cosmos throws their way. They put up defense mechanisms in order to survive. Then they build a world according to paranoia. Finally, they channel all the resources or survival and paranoia through bullying the weak and helpless.

Once the bully has evolved, it becomes more difficult to handle them. Bullies travel in cliques. They have the same mantra – you’re a threat, they hate themselves, and they envy you. The vicious cycle of hate, envy, insecurity in a bully or a bunch of bullies is destructive to everyone.

No one deserves to be treated like sh*t. More so by a lowlife called a bully. They don’t need pity or love. But one needs to recognize who and what bullies are.

Bullies are on survival mode everyday. They do what they do for self protection. They are manipulative. Humiliation, intimidation and isolation are the only means they know in order to cope up with their lack of self esteem. From the glass tower bullies build, they lead very sad lives. A life built on fantasy and illusion. They crave for power and use power as a tool for doing what they do over and over again. Vengeance over people who have disappointed them or will potentially disappoint them is the main goal.

“Bullying is a dysfunctional addiction that society is now recognising and insisting that it is no longer acceptable.”

Haters will always be everywhere – in the workplace, in a relationship, in school. It’s not okay to be bullied. Allowing that means you allow yourself to be disrespected.

Each time we allow ourselves to be abused, we place ourselves in a dark corner. Remember, one day you will get out of that corner. But escaping scarred and hurt isn’t the story you want to tell. You want to tell the story of having fought well because it wasn’t okay to allow the hater to have his way.

Feast or fast?

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The last time that Ash Wednesday fell on Valentine’s Day was in 1945. This year, devout Catholics will need to rethink their meat steak dinners as an option as the occasion puts carnivorous cupids into a pause mode.

As an obligatory rite by the church, Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of Lent and during mass ashes are imposed on our foreheads, reminding us that “from dust we come, to dust we shall return”.

There are two obligatory days of fasting and abstinence in the calendar for Catholics 18-59 years old – Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.

It’s a no brainer when choosing between between fasting or feasting because of our faith. The origins of Valentine’s Day are sketchy with various resources in history dating it back to ancient Roman celebration of spring festival on the 15th of February. When Christianity was introduced, it was moved to the 14th of February to celebrate a Christian martyr named Valentine.

Over the years, the celebration of Valentine’s Day has evolved to a highly commercialised one – brimming with the fancy trimmings of the expression of love through flowers, sweets and treats over candle lit dinners.

Ash Wednesday to the Christian community marks the start of the Lenten Season, a time for reflection and penitence. While the Lenten period technically simulates the 40 days of fasting of our Jesus Christ, the actually number is 46 calendar days because the church does not count Sundays as part of Lent.

Ash Wednesday reminds us that our lives are short and we must live it to the fullest in the service of God. That we are given the Lenten season to reflect on our lives and the road to repentance and forgiveness. It paves the way for Catholics to be reminded of our humanity, and the crosses that Jesus had to bear before dying for our sins on Good Friday.

It comes as a timely reminder where we reflect on our road in life. It is ironic that this is most relevant at this day and age where so much hypocrisy, traitors and Judases exist on behalf of political, economic, personal and religious agenda. Almost 2000 years ago, we crucified someone who came to bring us hope and love. Ash Wednesday is a reminder of the love of God to us, “for He gave his only son to save the world”.

Let’s stay on track with our faith. Hopefully we choose what is right over what is convenient or fun. On a positive note, it’s best to remember Ash Wednesday as our road to realizing the Good Fridays of our lives and the countdown to our Easter Sundays.

Oh by the way, you may find this blog handy, as the next years that Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day would collide are in 2024 and 2029.

Whom do you fight for?

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Henry Ford properly puts it in perspective in his quote, “when everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it”.

Life and love will always have challenges in life. We need to prioritize who gets the attention during those gruelling days when you need to decide which one is your priority.

It’s an odd balance especially when you need to decide between making a living or making a life. They’re two opposite diatribes. Let’s face it. Most, of not all of us, go to work for the money. Career usually takes a bit of a back seat. If the pay is good, who cares about career? And that usually ends up disappointing and disastrously because the focus of making a living is the money. Well, essentially nothing wrong with that but think about it. That’s the same paradigm most of our OFWs (overseas foreign workers) take. They leave their family in search of better living because the salaries in the Philippines are a pittance. I’ve seen families broken and lives shattered because of “making a living”.

I get that it’s useless to make a life when you have mouths to feed or obligations to fulfill. Making a life, after all, is a dream or an ambition. The drive for this is more for the idealistic people. But dreaming for the ideal world is a worthy goal. While it may not be financially remunerating, the uphill climb is most rewarding especially when you get to your objective.

Whom do you fight for? That’s an odd title. But think about it. It matters why we do what we do each day. And when we know whom we fight for, the answer to making a living or making a life, will come clearly when we are faced with decisions in life and love.

As for me, even at my age, I’m fighting for myself. I’m always willing to evolve…into a better me.

Pages

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“There comes a time in your life when you have to choose between turning the page or closing the book”

I’ve always believed that whatever decisions we make is a choice we are responsible for.

Whether it’s over career, life, love or business, it’s one that’s made because we want a better us. We need to walk away from all the stressful drama and useless foibles in our lives in order to find peace.

When you wake up each day having nothing to look forward to, you know it’s time to move on. But it does not mean you do it overnight. It entails some reflection, some planning, and yes, some time off all the useless battles you don’t need to fight. The important answer is whatever we decide on should make us happy. When you’re happy, the stars align to make your life journey a memorable one.

It’s a fair reminder that we know which battles need to be fought. After all, not all heroes end up with a monument built or sainthood bestowed.

It’s a beautiful reminder that we should be able to discern when to walk away or when to fight for what is right.

Last page – Tokyo Stories

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I did not think that when I started writing again during our winter vacation last December, I could generate enough inspiration to consistently write for a month.

The daily writing was therapeutic. It helped ease down many unsettling moments in so many ways. The first time I decided to write again was on a beautiful day in Tokyo in a hotel room with a perfect view of Mt. Fuji.

The beauty and calm of nature was a sight to behold. I recalled my younger days when I’d go to retreats. As a young boy I learned to unburden my crosses by reflecting. As I grew older, the retreats became scarce, while the journeys more difficult. I slowly found that time no longer became my friend and things were more difficult to let go.

Then there is that one day. That day when life comes full circle to collect the debts of time and memories that passed us by.

It made me recall the moments that quickly passed me by – those missed opportunities where sorrow and pain lived and where joy, happiness and love stood still in time.

It was a good time to pause from the chaotic life and watch how nature does not hurry and yet accomplished everything.

“Nature does not hurry, and yet everything is accomplished”

– Lao Tzu

Tomorrow, begins another chapter in my stories of Relative Joy.

And like life, we get to write our own beginnings.

Pain changes people

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Pain does not show up in our lives for no reason. It’s a sign that something in our lives need to change.

You’ve seen how people change in their attitude and disposition in life. Those who were once meek and mild can suddenly take on a different persona. You know, when you bump into someone later in life and blurt out, “my, how you’ve changed”!

I tell people that one cannot force others to fight your battles for them. Some don’t get it. Making others do the fighting for you is not fair because the burden of accountability and responsibility is shifted to someone who has no business combatting your struggles in life. If others fight your personal conflicts, it is them that end up being scarred in the process. The process only ends up changing people because they needed to bear the pain that only you needed to go through.

Human relations are complicated. There’s a thin line between using and abusing people. Someone once told me that in this dog eat dog world, using one another for an ulterior motive is natural. I disagree. There’s nothing natural in letting other people take the cudgels for you just because of a personal agenda. I get that. We all have a “goal”. But stepping on other people just to reach that goal is called abuse. Which causes pain. Which changes people.

If we allow the abuse, it either destroys us or we imbibe it to the point that we believe that the abuse is right and we deserve it.

The decision to walk away from the battle is ours alone. A few words of advice…