Relative Joy

A little girl was holding two apples. Her mom asked for one. The little girl quickly bit one apple, and then the other. Her mom held back her disappointment. Then the girl handed one to her, saying, “here, this is the sweeter one”.

Often times in our lives we’re quick to draw judgement at people or their actions without fully understanding the circumstances at all.

Sometimes all these harsh and rash judgement isn’t even real. It’s picked up from gossip that are spread by envious detractors and the sad part here is that some people are just too gullible to believe them. In short, we have problems when it comes to giving the other person a chance to prove herself.

Like the child in the story, the mom was quick to judge at the action taken by the child. She forgot that it was a well meaning gesture because the little girl cared.

There are people that circle our lives like vultures waiting for the kill. And these are the dangerous kind of acquaintances we meet. Discerning them and dissociating with them is difficult especially when you rely on rumors from the vultures at bay. Gossip is like listening to the devil whispering in our ears. The story is juicy but the intent is evil. Being judgemental is treating people unfairly.

No one likes feeling judged. We need to back off and let people live because we’re all in our personal journeys – evolving and growing.

Discernment is a gift we need to harness because only through discernment can good come from the wise.

Don Miguel Ángel Ruiz, a Mexican author, summarizes four agreements we need to consider in our lives.

Entitled “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom”, the book published in 1997, reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering.

Here’s a summary and hope it serves as a daily reminder on life’s relative joy. It is self explanatory.

1. Be impeccable with your word.

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t take anything personally.

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless sufferings.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always do your best.

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Life can be as complicated or simplified as we make it. Only we decide for ourselves.

There’s quitting on drugs, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or sex. But no, they’re not the most difficult things to quit from. Here’s the top five:

1. Trying to please everyone

So someone wants to be Miss Congeniality. There’s always someone in the group that wants to be a people pleaser to the point that they rumor monger just to be popular. Then there’s also the one that thinks that playing goody will get all the sympathy votes. Both are wrong. There is no Miss Friendship or Mr Sympathy in the real world.

2. Fearing change

As they say, the only thing that is permanent in this world is change. And there’s really nothing wrong with change because when we are afforded multiple chances in life, we become better people!

One of the hardest decisions in life is letting go. Whether it’s guilt, anger, love, betrayal or loss – change is never easy. We fight to hold on. And we fight to let go.

3. Living in the past

Trauma makes it difficult for people to move on. Staying stuck in the past creates an atmosphere of bitterness and anger. Truth is, the past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased. Once we learn to accept it, we can move on.

Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.

4. Putting yourself down

Often times we underestimate ourselves. Not because we think we’re not good enough but because people have pushed you into believing you’re not good enough. But f*ck them! People who attack your confidence and self-esteem are aware of your potential and feel you’re a threat. Don’t give in to their insecurities.

5. Overthinking

We are laden with anxiety day in and day out. The mind is a dirty playground. We anticipate a problem even when the problem does not present itself. There are various signs of overthinking: we second guess, analyze things to death, suffer from insomnia, let someone decide for you, refuse to let things go, criticize yourself a lot, feel tense, unable to turn off your brain, expect the worse…to name a few. However it appears as, overthinking is hazardous to your health.

We all need to quit on the things that are burdens of daily living.

Everyday is an opportunity to change our lives. Another chance. A new beginning.

(n.) a crossroad; a critical decision or turning point in one’s life

We all have a quatervois.

Some look for signs. Others leave it to chance. And there will always be misgivings on making life decisions. Sometimes it’s the search for happiness or job satisfaction. More often than not, it’s the financial stability. But even when the job sucks and all the wrong are written all over the walls, the longer you tolerate the wrong, the more difficult it is to let go and get mired in all that shit.

Seriously, it’s called being an accomplice to it. And even just watching from a distance within the same bureaucratic mumbo jumbo is tantamount to dancing with evil.

I get it when you come face to face with a quatervois. It’s probably like looking at desperation straight in the eyes. A million things run through your mind. You want to fight it but you’re inclined to look the other way because of personal reasons. We all have that critical turning point in life. And the most difficult decision will always be made when you feel like giving up.

That point comes when you begin to solicit advice from others instead of deciding on your own. Why solicit the advice? It’s because you want to hear people stop you from leaving a job or perhaps someone you love reassuring you that the relationship is worth salvaging. Whatever it is, you want reassurance on uncertainty.

Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you and your life, not what’s best for everybody else.

Remember: indecision will never move you forward. It’s a sign you don’t trust your intuition.