I’m sure a lot of you have heard this story but for those that have not, I’m writing this for you.

“A bird was flying south for the winter. But because it was so cold, it froze and fell to the ground on a large field.

As it lay dying there, a cow came by and shit on it. The frozen bird covered in cow dung then realized how much warmth the dung provided.

The dung was thawing it. He lay there warm and happy and began to sing for joy!

A cat not far away heard the bird sing and went to look for the bird. The cat soon found the bird, dug him out of the dung, and ate the bird.”

What does the story teach us?

Three things:

1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s better to keep your mouth shut.

We all get shitted on in life. Being a good person does not mean we have to put up with other people’s crap! But we need to live spending life decisions based on our goals. Not shit.

As a child I grew up to Aesop’s Fables or the Aesopica is a collection of fables credited to a slave and storyteller believed to have lives in the centuries before Christ was born.

The fables were made up short stories, all fictional and some dramatic twist with animals in an allegorical attempt to describe a political, ethical or moral dilemma in our lives. The age of technology has probably reinvented the approach to appreciating the fables but I will write this for you to remind us the rich literature and attempt to take a twist on the moral of the story.

The ant and the grasshopper

“In a field one summer’s day a Grasshopper was chirping, singing, and hopping about for fun. An Ant passed by carrying an ear of corn back to his nest.

“Why not come and chat with me”, said the Grasshopper, “instead of doing all that work?”

“I am helping to store up food for the winter”, said the Ant, “and suggest that you do the same.”

“Why bother about the winter?”, said the Grasshopper, “we have got plenty of food at the moment.”

The Ant went on it’s way and continued its work. When the winter came the Grasshopper had no food and was dying of hunger.

The Ant, however, had plenty of food to last all winter from all his hard work in the summer. Then the Grasshopper knew – IT IS BEST TO BE PREPARED.

A lot of us take life experiences for granted. It’s not only the financial aspect of life we prepare for during our sunset moments. After all, even if you had all that money, you’d probably be just spending it on healthcare. The story goes beyond preparing for our darker days. It reminds us that we always need to prepare for the moments when we have our guards down and face challenges in our lives.

There is a Grasshopper and an Ant in our lives. We don’t need to be just one of them. But we need to know when to be a Grasshopper or an Ant in the journey.

The sun shines after the rain. So what do you do to move forward after the storm? We need to give up some things to move on.

Let me share with you a mix bag that I’ve rewritten to some degree of tips on “7 things we must give up to move forward”:

1. Running from problems

It’s true that running away is a temporary fix to problems. But you should know which ones you can fix and those you need to get away from (for sanity’s sake). If you’re determined to fix the problem, you should do it without hesitation and make sure that you’re in it for the long haul (or brevity).

2. Shame of past failures

What is past is past. The past is not meant to be a life sentence but a lesson to be better at decision making. Avoid making similar mistakes. Your past is not your future.

3. Procrastinating life goals that matter

I told my staff that if there is no succession planning in an organization, you know that it’s not a good place to be. You need to know where you want to be 5 years from today. Life goals matter. They are your guiding stars. And sitting and waiting for the proverbial apple to drop into your mouth is such a bad habit. Map out your life. Remember, there’s never a turning back for time.

4. Excuses over decisions

Human nature makes us evolve to beings that provide excuses and more excuses. Rather than making those crucial decisions, people by nature give excuses when faced with uncertainties. This is most true if that uncertainty has to do with financial stability. Excuses are our perennial comfort zones.

5. Sitting empty handed

I tell my mom whenever she’s depressed that “an empty mind is the devil’s playground”. Make yourself useful during those down times. Keep the grief short. What happened happened for a reason. We may never know why. Move on. Life provides a million opportunities. Each day is a new chance at a new choice.

6. People’s opinion about you

Rumor mongering is the hallmark of a person who has nothing to do in life. The purpose for their existence is to serve as evil incarnate. When they die, no one will miss them.

I get it when we say that what other people think about you in a negative way is painful. Especially when they are purveyors of lies. What matters most is what is true and what you think about yourself. As they say, the truth will set you free.

7. No appreciation about life

Whatever happens don’t see yourself as a failure. We always underestimate our abilities. Well, sometimes you can’t help it because there are many insecure people who undermine your abilities from the get go. Don’t depend on others for your life decisions. Their opinions are simply suggestions. Appreciate what you have and make your life an excellent one!

(Adapted from Pyraweb – Empowering People. While the principles were adapted, the thoughts and opinions are the author’s)

I attended a spiritual recollection a few days ago and the priest was one of those”out of the box” speakers. He made you laugh, got serious in some of his anecdotes, and of course there were some tears shed in the end. Engaging. Entertaining. Relevant.

The topic centered on sacrifice. And yeah, like I told myself quietly, “seriously sacrifice?” The 1 1/2 hrs went by quickly with so much “aha!” moments. The priest was right. We ask questions about our “why me” moments. And while they remain unanswered to this day, we will never know the sacrifices or crosses we bear.

One slide struck me deep in the core and I’d like to share this slide with my readers. It’s called Gandhi’s 7 dangers to human virtues.

1. Wealth without work

2. Pleasure without conscience

3. Knowledge without character

4. Business without ethics

5. Science without humanity

6. Religion without sacrifice

7. Politics without principles

It was an enlightening experience. And I’m writing this for you so that you will remember that there are just crosses we bear at the crossroads of life that we don’t question because the sacrifice we experience are meant for a greater purpose.

We need to look beyond the darkness to appreciate the sunshine of our lives.

My friends, remember that we don’t live other people’s dreams. We live our own. Take the path less traveled. And fight for your dreams. Happiness is your own choice.

Seriously, the truth will always be painful. And pain will always change the way we look at things. But think of it this way. Truth will always be a revelation of many sorts.

The most important is dealing with what to do when things aren’t meant to be.

I’m borrowing someone’s thoughts and sharing this with my readers because I think it’s thought provoking. I’ve added a couple of thoughts in the sequence as well.

1. Because living your life as a prisoner is painful.

If you wake up every day trying to figure out how great it would be if you could be free from a particular situation then you’re keeping yourself in prison. And being strapped in chains isn’t the best place to be because it’s not a productive or happy place anymore.

2. There is always another thing to try. Another person to date. Another job. Another home. Another way.

Something new or better is always on the horizon. Loneliness and depression are not good places to be. Every question has an answer. Every problem a solution. Keep your chin up. After a storm, the sun still shines. There will be better days.

3. We exist in physical form for a finite amount of time.

We all think we have time. Procrastinating the inevitable seems to be a good choice at the moment. Stop playing Russian roulette with your life. You babble like a bitch in heat but aren’t willing to get out of the fire. Make the decisions you needed to make now. Not when it’s too late.

4. Because playing by the rules can be boring.

There are no rules that apply 110% of the time. Duh! It’s time to do things your way. It’s your time. Your moment to shine. If they don’t work out, who cares? Adjust! That’s life!

5. Because change is exciting.

There are uncertainties when we leave. Or change. You think it may be bad to explore a whole new world. Or perhaps you’ve also weighed in the good in departing from being a masochist. You think you’ve put it off for so long because you’re trying to avoid experiencing something. Honestly, you’re not a seer. You can’t predict what life has in store for you if you took a chance.

Every story has a star.

While our stories shift each moment of our lives, everyone in these stories are supporting cast.

Think of your life as a TV series. Each of us has a central or mixed theme ranging from drama, comedy, horror (yes horror), political, romance, documentary, fantasy, or action.

While there are several writers and directors in the movie, there is only star in our life story. You!

We react to the other casts in the film of life. Oh yeah, there’s the hate and anger, romantic moments, death scenes, funny days – but they revolve around one central character – YOU!

And like you, the various characters have their own movies in life. And we are the supporting cast in the film of their lives.

Accountability, responsibility, maturity. These are simple words but they are tall orders for every one of us. Only true people will swallow their pride and remain to stay humble regardless of the position they achieve in life. Pathetic ones will always remain manipulative, coercive, and deceptive. In literature, or in the movies, they are the protagonist and the antagonist.

I’m sure you’re getting the parallelism I’m driving at now. Just like a movie, some things in life are simply misdirected. As to how the film pans out will also depend on your co-stars. Are they just mere props on the set or are they real actors and actresses in your life? After all, in their own films, they too are their own stars.

C.S. Lewis once said, “you can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”

Oftentimes we get into a glut and pray for a rewind in life. You know what I mean. These are the “what if” and “if only” moments we’re in.

Every action or choice has its consequence. And we end up where we are because of the choice we make. A business that was unsustainable, a love story that did not end happily ever after, a career that went south, an affair that didn’t last – whatever it is, where we are are because of the choices we make.

All of us, yep, and there’s no exception to that rule, end up making that momentous choice. Even the trivial things like choosing which clothes to wear, or food to eat, or going for a swim, or having your armpits waxed – they’re choices we end up making. Whether you end up looking like an upholstery, or end up with a cholesterol laden dish, or decide to swim in a beach, or get a disastrous skin reaction from the armpit peel – they’re consequences we end up with. You see, there is no crystal ball after our choices. We live with it.

Get a grip! Life’s like that. Wherever we end up with our choices, it should not stifle our growth. Decisions are free. Making mistakes is human nature. If we keep revisiting our past and keep staying stuck in the “what if” and “if only” moments of our lives, we will remain prisoners of our past. Remember the rule – time has no rewind. Let go. The universe will always catch you even when you fall.

Not everything is meant to be understood. Sometimes people send mixed signals. Other times you’re not part of the equation in their lives so you’re caught unaware. In a relationship, you get confused when your boyfriend is hot one day and emotionless the next. It’s like, is he or isn’t he into you? Even among friends, if you’re not in the “inner circle”, or part of the clique, you’re probably the last to know that there was a grand get together last night but you weren’t invited.

Confusion is a state of uncertainty. Baffled. Bewildered. Puzzled. Perplexed. They’re all nouns to describe that mystified state where you try to understand the discombobulation in front of you.

“You can either focus on what’s tearing you apart, or what’s holding you together.”

I get it when people tell me that when things get “confusing”, they can’t think straight and make decisions based on the situation at hand. Sometimes they may be right, other times, wrong.

There’s really no answer on how to handle a confusing situation. Discernment is a key consideration. And oftentimes we get too engrossed in that state of bewilderment that we lose track of the road we travel.

Never give up on faith and hope in the midst of confusion. God will always be on our side and will never let you down when you need Him most. Trust me. I’ve been there.

Leo Tolstoy once said that the two most important warriors are patience and time.

Time is never on our side though. What is past has occurred. Tomorrow is always fraught with uncertainty. Today is always what we deal with. All the unpredictability leaves us anxious and desolate rewinding and overthinking. Let’s face it. Anything occurring at the moment is hardly remembered after the day is over.

Often times we procrastinate making decisions because even though we’re in a bad place, the sliver of hope keeps us doing what we used to. Hoping and praying that things get better. Or miracles happen. A piece of advice:

If you wait for the perfect time, it will never happen.

So we just sit back and wait and wait and wait for a sign to show us the path to making “right” decisions.

Patience is a virtue. We harness this virtue in order to rationalize making life changing steps. Taking a break from a relationship, quitting a job, venturing into a business, going back to school – whatever it is, time and patience will lead us to those crucial decisions.

The thing here is that time and patience can pose opposing discomfort. Patience makes you wait to the point of procrastinating a decision. Because we think we have time on our side.

I’m not saying that we make impulsive decisions here. I’m talking about crossroads that make you stop and ponder when to make a life changing decision. It goes without saying that we shouldn’t be making rash decisions at the spur of the moment.

When the events during the “patient moments” are intolerable anymore, we need to remember that waiting will not matter.

We need to grow through what we go through. Let go. Move on.